Re: Holding pattern?? Cherry: [quote author=blazin'heart link=topic=37519.msg404704#msg404704 date=1163817987">
I don't get it Cherry. Why can't you just say "i'm in" or "i'm out"? When will women figure it out that they can't change men? [/quote">
I want to make darn sure I am not making foolish choices like I have in the past. The point of this post was to get an outside the situation opinion regarding this.
[quote author=blazin'heart link=topic=37519.msg404704#msg404704 date=1163817987"> So figure it out Cherry. You have the responsibility to make some real, objective choices for yourself and your children. Are you setting yourself up for another breakup? Are you behaving more like a relationship addict and less like a woman who has learned from her past mistakes? Is this guy the man you want to be with or does he not fit what you want in a man? It's actually a pretty simple thing. Just answer the question: is this man good enough for you the way he is?
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*a relationship addict does not examine the relationship honestly to see if it is in fact true or merely not wanting to be alone. I by this post have shown that I am looking for the truth of the matter.
*He is a wonderful man!! He does have walls from his divorce but who among us does not? I just want to be careful that his walls dont squash me.
*He is wonderful just the way he is. Stubborn, hard headed, caring, independant, strong. I dont have complaints about his character. I just wanted to see from other people's POV if it seemed like his walls were not likely to come down or if they thought that it was okay of me to continue to take it slow and as it came.
[quote author=sheyd link=topic=37519.msg404664#msg404664 date=1163811695">
So.. the key is... is being with him hurting you, or is your insecurities hurting you? Does he seem to be taking advantage of you? The guy you listed in the description sounds like a pretty damn good guy. Sorry, but I don't see the problem here. Do people think you should already be married? That things should be perfect? That HE should be perfect, or you should?[/quote">
You are absolutely right Shey. I just spent a lot of time with him this weekend and we talked about lots of stuff. Mostly it is my insecurities projected over perfectly harmless situations. He is the "strong silent type" so I sometimes have to remember just because he doesn't say anything doesn't neccessarily mean he is upset. Communication is key. People have asked more than once are you getting married and he doesn't freak out or anything. In fact that very thing happened this weekend and he was calm and polite to the person asking and we joked about it later.
I dont think I am pushing for either of us to be "perfect". Sometimes though I just feel lonely. I know it has a lot to do with the new state, new job etc.... and then when his walls are up it seems worse than it actually is.
[quote author=sheyd link=topic=37519.msg404664#msg404664 date=1163811695"> I agree that it would have been good for you to have time on your own - I was a big proponent of that. However, you seem to have grown a lot and become very independent - even with him IN your life. I don't see you becoming dependent on him - and this is good practice towards being independent within a relationship, with someone who is generally (though not perfect) pretty good.[/quote">
I have grown so much in the past year. I feel stronger and more independant and yes you were right about living on my own at least. That has strengthened us tremendously as a couple as well as seperate people. I love him and want to be with him but I dont feel that I could not go on without him. I have left codependancy behind and moved on to real life it seems
My biggest question here lies in the fact that I have never had a normal relationship (I met my ex when I was 19) and so I want to be sure this is normal and I am not repeating or making other foolish mistakes.
Thank you all for taking the time to help me with this. I will keep you updated.
Re: Holding pattern?? Spike: Normal????????Normal?????????? What the hell does that have to do with relationships??? If being in a relationship was normal, we'd be born with a partner!!! Nothing normal about 2 different people trying to coexist with each other!!! I'm going back to my cave to be a hermit now.
Holding pattern?? Cherry: When can you tell when a relationship is not moving forward like it should?? I need a freakin manual for a man's mind. I feel like at the end of 8 months I am still not sure if he is into this or not.
He is a wonderful guy!! A great dad!! He is good in bed, a careful considerate lover. We differ on our opinions about sex in some ways but I really dont have any complaints.
I just feel unsure. It isn't anything he has said or done or even my other post about not wanting to spend the holidays with us. It just seems that he is still back behind his walls. I worry. I always worry and over analyze things.
Any advice?? I know some of this is from my past and how my personal insecurities affect me. However I do have a friend or two who are of the opinion that I am wasting my time. :-\
Re: Holding pattern?? Cherry: [quote author=Spike link=topic=37519.msg405788#msg405788 date=1164034286">
Normal????????Normal?????????? What the hell does that have to do with relationships??? If being in a relationship was normal, we'd be born with a partner!!! Nothing normal about 2 different people trying to coexist with each other!!! I'm going back to my cave to be a hermit now.
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roflmao..........well one of these evenings we need to finish our convo. I should fill you in on the new happenings. Men should be born with an instruction manual strapped to their ass. :P
Re: Holding pattern?? Spike: I have one!!!!
But it's written in Gaelic!!!!
