My story blondie: Hi,
I'm new here. I've been married for almost 9 and a half years. I'm 27 and he's 43. We have 4 kids together. Our marriage has always been somewhat rocky and our sex life totally sucks! I filed for divorce last November, but found out I was pg with our youngest DD. So I dropped the whole divorce deal and thought we could try to work this out. Note he had a bad drinking problem and became abusive, but has been sobber for a year and a half and the abuse has stopped. That was my reasoning for filling for divorce besides being miserable. So fast forward to now. Our DD was born in August. We have not had sex since before she was born. We're going on 3 and a half months now. Which is unlike us even when we were having problems in the past. I guess what majorly bothers me about this whole deal is. He's on the computer in the mornings looking at porn. Also found out that he's joined an adult site/dating site for discrete sexual encounters with no strings attached. I'm beside myself here. I have confronted him, but he's on here posting his cell phone number asking for the ppl to call him before 5 etc. He denies it and when I try to get him in the mood he tells me that *winkie* is on strike. I don't know what to do? I'm about ready to say screw it. He's cheated on me in the past and we worked through it, but this time is different. My family is all in Texas/Oklahoma area and I'm stuck up here in Illinois. I'm a stay at home Mom for the time being. Please help.
Re: My story stillfightin: Welcome to OJAR, you will find many here to help you. It is quite obvious that this is a bad situation. The difficulty is the lack of family/relatives, it puts you in a predicament. I don't know that you can expect a man of 43 to change much. If you and he met when you were 18, it really puts a strain on how you will be able to separate from him. He has been with you most of your adult life. Try to get womens counselling and help. He has too many problems with alcohol, abuse and porn for you to solve yourself. If you can get assistance, then you will be in a better financial position to get rid of him. Does he work enough to finance the bills? I am very sorry you are in a difficult situation
stillfightin
Re: My story blondie: Thank you for responding. :) He can now, but he's been through so many jobs the whole time we've been together. Who know's how long he'll keep this job. I agree with you 100% about being 43 and not going to change. He's set in his ways. He proclaims he loves me blah blah, but if he really loved me and cared about the kids and I he wouldn't be doing this. IMO. We have talked about counseling and I have offered to make an appointment, but he is always TO busy.
Re: My story stillfightin: yeah, I hate to say it but he won't likely go to counselling. he probably can't "see the value" of it. I wish I could give you more. He just won't get it. And this point sucks, he probably puts most of the blame for his issues on you. Man I am just a negative SOB. I am very sorry for this example of a man. He does no good for the gender. A great candidate for the Darwin Award. The award given yearly for those specimens of the species most needy for being removed from the gene pool.
stillfightin.
Re: My story blondie: Yeah you are right. I have to agree. He definitely needs the award. I've done what I can and if he's not gonna meet me halfway then it's time to move on.
