Should I send this? Caramon29: S,
I sent you a text last night that I knew I wouldn't get an answer to. In fact, there are a few more questions that have been curiously floating in my head that I know I will never get an answer to. Unless, for some reason, you decide to answer them.
So, here I go knowing that the response, if any, will not be the honest truth from you.
Was I a mistake in your life? If so, then why did you even let me get so close to you? If not, then I know what we did was from both of our hearts and not just an infatuation.
With the given cicumstances, there had to be some sort of influence to your decision. What were some of those factors? Why are you afraid of commitment?
I often wonder if an old fling may be the reason that you wanted to get out of our marriage. Is this true? Is there someone that you miss and would like to have again but can't cause they are taken? If so, then why just give up our relationship?
Was our relationship too constraining? Did you feel trapped with fears of hopelessness? Was the family we had too much for you to handle along with what the business was doing to you?
I know that I could've done more. I'm guilty of that as you are. I remember you telling me that you are not sure why you do things like this, whether its due to you being afraid then running to a different relationship cause you want something different or cause you feel that its the right thing to do. I don't understand that logic. Why ruin and hurt more and more people playing that game? Why not just settle down and have the family you are always talking about? We had one. At least I thought we did.
My reasoning behind this letter is nothing more than getting these thoughts out of my head. I have written it with full understanding that you will never reply with the honest answers cause you may not realize what it is that has made you want a divorce. I mean, how do you have a six year marriage with someone that abused you, both mentally and physically, but not even five fricken months with me? I never ever tried or wanted to hurt you in those ways. I apologize to you for anything that I may have done. This just doesn't make any since to me. Your explanation to me has validity but no real measurable answers. You can tell me over and over that you want what best for you and Trevor but what you gave up was, in my opinion, the best thing for the both of you.
Please don't get angry with me or give me a load of crap saying that you've told me over and over again as to your reasoning behind what you want. You know that you haven't told me the whole story and I will never know it. You are stuck in a rut and confused with what you want and need. I ask you to wake up and smell the coffee! This is life. Marriage is a commitment between two people under vows that you said you take strongly. Hmmm, I guess that was a lie to. Just tell me the truth as to why you have come to this decision. I won't freak out or become crazier. I'm already there. I need to know more about the why's. This will help me get over this first hump and I can start focusing on the future without you. Not that I want that, but I have to begin again. These questions are holding me back...please just answer them.
Now that you are royally ticked off and probably don't want to ever speak to me again, I could understand. It is hard to figure out your life let alone the lives of others that you have affected in many many ways. I don't think you fully understand how you have affected mine. Don't think at this time you care either. You have it set in your head that this is best for you and you alone. Never mind what you're doing to others, including your son. He has already told me that if you do find someone else and get married again, he is still going to call me dad no matter what. Did you know that?
OK OK, enough of my attempts to make since of this situation. What's done is done. You want it your way. I will accept that, given time. Just don't be angry with me. I'm human and I get lost in thought still. Forgive me.
Love always,
C
