Re: love vs. attachment myaacerto: Love vs attachment that is the question I've been asking myself for the past 4 months. In June my wonderful husband of two years tells me he is leaving me and my at the time 10month year old daughter for "another women". In just a few seconds he shattered my world. The last two years flashed before my eyes, the engagment, the wedding, the pregnacy, the birth of my child.
He's 11 years older than me....HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM....I had my whole life ahead of me....and I gave it up for this?
My husband came home EVERY night...telling me how great and wonderful I was....I didn't see any sign of his cheating or that he was unhappy. I was numb for days. Suddenly I was a single mother, how am I going to give her the life I wanted for her? I never wanted her to want or need for anything and now I'm terrified. Two weeks later after, I moved out of the apartment on my own, and got a one bedroom apartment close to work that I couldn't afford on my salary...after all the aruguments over the savings, money and who's going to pay for what...... my husband calls me crying....he's then sitting in my new living room crying....all my pain...all my hurt...didn't seem to matter anymore. "I made a mistake he said" "I just got confused he said." 4 Months later we're hanging in there but everynight I'm struggleing to keep myself from taking the depression pills my doctor prescribed for me. "sometimes I just have to learn leassons the hard way he says about himself." Now I know that "different" isn't better....blah...blah...I have all of these feelings inside me with no where to go. He told me that I have to be able to "roll with the punches"...that's great to say when you weren't the one being punched. I feel like a fool, my self esteam has gone way down, I don't feel special to him anymore. I don't look at him the same way anymore. He was this great and wonderful man and now he's....in my eyes "full of crap". But I'm still here. Why? Do I love him? Yes. Do I believe everyone deserves a second chance?...yeah... but I just don't look at him the same anymore...I feel like I lost something for him. :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
Am I weak for staying?
Re: love vs. attachment chaotic: I think love is what brought our relationships together, but attachment is what makes most of us fight so hard when deep down we know its over.
I loved my X, but when I look back, I know our split was for the best. I fought, and now that I can look back with a level head, I know that it was not love I was fighting for, but the normalcy I felt. I did not want to give that up.
Re: love vs. attachment myaacerto: I'm not sure what I'm fighting for....he totally disrespected me and my daughter. I found out that the day after I had my daughter he was at her apartment with her while I'm in the hospital recovering from surgery. Then to come to the hospital the next day admiring his new daughter and telling me how wonderful I am.... :-[ :-[ The thing is that....I'm so mad at him when I'm way from him...but when I see him walk through the door I breath a sigh of relief...."he came home today." Its not like he hasn't shown that he regretts what he did....he does....I know he's embarrassed by it...and he'll allow me to vent as long as its "structured"....but...I don't know if I'm truely doing the right thing for me and my daughter.
This is the man that cried as I was coming down the aisle on our wedding day....I have all these conflicted emotions about him....I don't know what to do.
Re: love vs. attachment brielle123: [quote author=torn-n-2 link=topic=37542.msg405805#msg405805 date=1164035463">
Ask yourself, were you really that happy when you were in the relationship? I know I was'nt but time has this way of erasing all the crap and heartache and replacing it with this glorified version. I knew it was attachment because when I did see him to discuss things, he irritated me immediately and it occured to me I wanted my comfort zone back- not actually him.
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I don't think that I could have said it better myself....you just COMPLETELY asessed my feelings on this...
Re: love vs. attachment brielle123: [quote author=chaotic link=topic=37542.msg405905#msg405905 date=1164040188">
I think love is what brought our relationships together, but attachment is what makes most of us fight so hard when deep down we know its over.
I loved my X, but when I look back, I know our split was for the best. I fought, and now that I can look back with a level head, I know that it was not love I was fighting for, but the normalcy I felt. I did not want to give that up.
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Yours too chaotic, your feelings on this mirror what I feel about my stbxh....I knew deep down my relationship was over for a long time, I just had too much hope to let go.....
