newbie going through hell erinmch2002: After two years, an intended marriage, so many plans. Its over. He does not love me anymore. He says he tried, i just dont see how you can go from being a mans EVERYTHING.. to nothing more than an ex girlfriend. Or even just a friend. Of course he tells me, that i did nothing wrong. Thats what we want to hear right? Im in a town with no family, and now no friends b/c they were all HIS prior to our relationship. I had to move out of our home into to having one bedroom and a roomate i barely know. I feel like i cant breath, sleep, eat or think with out him. My birthday is next week and the holidays coming up. I cant do it alone. Im trying to do the right things, im going to the gym im trying to meet people. I love him so much, I dont know why I cant stop ..when he did me wrong.. he betrayed ME.. he doesnt love ME.. why cant i get past it. I feel the rejection down to my bones. I cant even look at another guy, i feel disgusted if think about it. It feels like a death. A relationship that was once soo happy and fulfilling to the loss of love. He has had a lot longer to get over me, while we were still together. So now I sit alone, no friends, and no him. I just cant do it. We were looking at houses to buy, we were talking marriage and naming babies. I never once doubted he was the man God made for me. Now I dont know what do.. how do I make the pain go away and stop dreaming and waking up shaking so bad.
Re: newbie going through hell surprised: Hi,
I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. I don't have much in the way of advice, I'm still pretty miserable myself. But this is a great place to come and talk about everything, or vent or just read other people's stories. Healing takes time, don't rush it. How long have you been broken up?
Re: newbie going through hell Garrett Jax: I can sympathize with being in a town where you don't know people. It definitely makes it worse. I had moved to where my ex-wife was from and after the divorce it was pretty lonely. I had spent a lot of time with my ex-wife during the marriage so I didn't really have my own friends.
After I moved out, I thought I was getting better each day. I was doing better at work and making new friends. But for me, it was an illusion. A friend visited for a week and we would watch TV and eat dinner together. Just basically hanging out. When it was time for her to leave, I basically had a nervous breakdown. I couldn't handle losing what I had so enjoyed in my marriage, i.e. the companionship, again.
What helped for me was going to see a psychiatrist which was mostly covered by my insurance. It helped me figure stuff out and sometimes knowing what's wrong is enough to make you feel better even if you don't "fix" it. I mean, therapy is why we post and respond to this message board.
I know a lot of people are against seeking professional counseling, because I was one of those people. But after having a nervous breakdown, you really don't have that much choice. I'm an advocate now. And it is actually better than getting advice from untrained anonymous people. Sometimes people have a bad experience, but that could be because of the doctor. Not every doctor is right for everyone. It's a process.
My point is that everyone is different. You need to find out what will make you happy. And a message board, or a psychiatrist or a friend might help you with that. For me, it was a psychiatrist. I'm pretty happy now because I sorted out a ton of stuff. And I know what makes me happy. Good luck.
Re: newbie going through hell MNo: I’m very sorry to hear that.
I am in similar situation as you are. My wife left me after just 7 months of marriage and 8 years of dating. I know how it is when all of your dreams just disappear. Can’t give you advice because I’m still in much pain myself and coping with it, but I can offer to be your friend with who you can talk to.
Re: newbie going through hell MEP2006: Oh, I sympathize! I have that same feeling of total disinterest when I consider anyone else. The only man I want is the one who promised me everything, who I invested my heart, my life, and my future in, and who walked out so he could make it with a Barbie.
I have no advice, because everything everyone says seems so inadequate in the awful, insistent face of fresh pain. I found being here, and reading about the other situations people had endured (and survived) incredibly encouraging. Time heals, but it does it slowly. I find the weekends and the thought of the holidays (spent alone) almost too torturous to consider. So I spend it moment by moment. I put an elastic band around my wrist, and I snap it every time I start to think about my ex-boyfriend or the holidays or him in bed with his new girl... and it gives me a little something else to focus on than allowing those dangerous thoughts to railroad me.
Good luck, friend. Keep hanging on. You are going to resurface before long. And if you have already been through something like this, you know the precedent is set and that may be all you can consider right now.
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