Why can't I move foward???? SoLostinDFW: I don't know really how to do this but I can not afford to seek professional help as I am fighting to make endds meet as it is, so I appreciat any help anyone can offer.
Well about 3 months ago I got out of a bad relationship. I felt liberated and was focusing on my work again and was very proud of the accomplishments I was making. About a month later I accepted a new position and relocatd from San Antonio to the Dallas/Fort Worth area. At first I had alot going on with the move and my new position but I felt eager to take on the challenge and was focused and driven. I guess two weeks after I started up here I started talking to this girl I used to work with about a year or so before. She is smart and even back then I thought she had a smile that ould stop anyone dead in their tracks. She was fun and we made eah other laugh. We started talking and calling each other every day after that and soon I made a trip home just to see her and take her out. Things went well and we kept talking after I went back to DFW. We talked about her and some of her friends coming up here and spending some time after midterms and we were both looking foward to it. A week or so later I went home to do my final move and have my things shipped up here. I stayed at her house and we spent about three days together. The night I left her friend had a accident and he ended up at her house. We got his car parked and after everything we taken care of I left. I went to kiss her and she turned so I kissed her cheek. After that we have had almost no communication and she had been seeing the guy from the accident that night.
What I dont get is that we only talked for a very short time. Maybe a month. Of that we only saw each other for like 5 days. So why cant I let her go. This seems so dumb. I am normally a very level headed person and I can think through things. But with her I just want another chance so bad. I know she wants to find "the one" and some part of me wants that chance. I dont know what happened that we stopped talking cause like i said we made each other smile and laugh alot. We had great walk and talks and things seemed so good up untill that last night. Now a month and a half later I cant go 5 minutes without thinking about her. I cant focus on work and work doesnt make me happy. Things are falling apart and I just pray for one more chance to hear her voice. But then I know its never going to come and I just want it to be over. I dont understand and I cant seem to move foward. My dreams are of her good and bad and when I wake its to thought or how she looked in the morning and her smile in the moonlight.
If anyone can help I would be thankfull. I just feel like time is running out...
Re: Why can't I move foward???? hudson: [quote author=SoLostinDFW link=topic=37565.msg404758#msg404758 date=1163831904">
Now a month and a half later I cant go 5 minutes without thinking about her. I cant focus on work and work doesnt make me happy. Things are falling apart... [/quote">
Yeah, women have a way of doing that to a guy.
You know what? I think rather than trying to figure out how to get another chance with this girl you need to realize that the bottom line is she didn't choose you. Whether you find a back into to her life or not, she'll always be a girl who chose someone else over you.
The only thing worse than missing a woman is being with a woman who really doens't want to be with you.
My advice; wait for someone who chooses to be with you regardless of who comes crawling into her home wounded at night.
Re: Why can't I move foward???? Mooneyes: Blazin has good advice.
Time isn't running out you have a lot of life ahead of you. Enjoy your time here. If you are supposed to be with her maybe it will be many years down the road.
Welcome to DFW! Perhaps focus on building your new life as much as you can. But Blazin is right.. you deserve (as we all do) to be with someone who WANTS you.
Re: Why can't I move foward???? ezydriver: I think because you clicked with her, and because you found her so attractive, you've sub consciously attached a high emotional importance to her. I know exactly how it feels. I remember crying hard over something my ex did, (or didn't do) after just two weeks of knowing her. I was scared of the power of that pull with that girl.
For whatever reason, there is one girl in every mans life that does this. At least one. Something just clicks.
Try doing what I'm currently doing and try to work out why you gravitated towards this girl. Do you find that you're normally attracted to girls like her?
I remember feeling a similar feeling that I had with my ex with another girl. five years ago. The more I think of them both, the more I realise that they had very much in common. Even their looks both fell into the same category and criteria of 'my type'.
There is a reason for this, as I'm currently discovering with my counsellor.
It goes back to the sort of homelife I had as a child and my relationship with my mother. I know this is heavy stuff but may I suggest to you that you investigate the deep reasons why you gravitated towards this particular girl. It was obviously something powerful. And it is deeply instinctual.
Also, there is more than just one thing at play here. There are many things.
Firstly, what I've pointed out above. Why you chose her.
Secondly, reverse psychology is at play. We always want and desire what we cant have.
Thirdly, you've been rejected for somebody else. "Whats wrong with me?" may pop into your head. So this opens up several issues on its own. Self esteem, hurt pride, rejection.
This is why it is hurting because there are several issues all at once going on here. It is VERY powerful stuff.
The length of time doesn't necessarily have any relationship to the depth of pain. Or time of recovery.
I have had no pain after relationships that lasted years. On the other hand I'm currently feeling pain from my last relationship that lasted just one year. I'm up to nearly seven months of pain now as my ex affected me like this girl did with you.
Bear this in mind too. Have you got a deep seated fear of abandonment stemming from a traumatic experience as a child? You may not even remember the incident of abandonment. It may be worth investigating this. If there is an incident ,such as being in hospital for a time with little or no visits from your parents, or parents being continually emotionally unavailable when you needed them most, then this girl abandoning or rejecting you will trigger these very deep seated feelings and primevil fears. Because, they were hard wired as a child. Sub consciously.
As a child this type of abandonment would have literally been life or death. This sticks in a part of your brain which triggers similar feelings when abandoned as an adult.
I may be way off the mark here, but as I said, its worth investigating.
Re: Why can't I move foward???? baffled!: Yep - I know exactly how that feels - crappy.
Every once in a while you meet someone that just gets to you... I met someone 3 months ago and went through the same crap. I was floored - we went out 3 times!
I remember thinking I must be losing it or something... it really hurt! It's unfortunate but it's all part of the dating scene. You've really got to throw yourself in there - but think how greatful you'll be when you find that special person!
