Thanks for this. MEP2006: Every time I feel like I just want to email/call/text message my ex and humiliate myself by saying, "Come back. Come over tonight. I miss you", I come here and read your stories and remember why I DON'T want to do that. You take a step forward, resent it, and then take another step forward. It's so sucky, but it's better than going backwards.
Re: Thanks for this. ezydriver: If coming here is what you have to do to resist ringing your ex, then so be it. Whatever it takes. I'm glad you do. I have heard so many stories of people contacting their exes and 99% of the time they hear something they dont want to.
I understand the temptation very very well. Logic and reality are your best weapons against this temptation. The temptation is a cruel trick your mind plays and it is very easy give in to.
You're doing well and are stronger than you think by resisting. The best and most valuable thing is to know when somebodys part in your story is at an end.
Also, ANYTHING is better than going backwards. God, how that hurts.
Keep posting and reading, reading and posting. We're all there with you.
Re: Thanks for this. newts: Hey MEP,
I am proud of you! It takes a lot of will power and courage not to make contact with someone you love and desperately want to be with.
I am just glad that you know this man is not good for you or your child and you will be rewarded with a special gift and that gift will be the love of a deserving man.
Re: Thanks for this. MEP2006: You're so right. It does SUCK. But I open up the web browser to the "send a text message" page, and in my mind's eye, I see the texts he sent to HER and the messages she sent to him, and I remember my dignity. As much as I hate that he's not with me, that he chose that other woman over me, I would hate even more for him to know that I'd be willing to denegrate myself in letting him think I'd have him back.
I hold on. Sometimes, it's by the very tips of my fingernails, but I hold on. There's a lesson here somewhere, in all of this. And if I have to learn it by suffering, at least I'll still learn it.
Re: Thanks for this. lld: I found this on the internet, printed it out and read it every time I want to call my husband. It stops me from picking up the phone.
"What is the healthy thing to do when you're having a compulsive, irresistible urge to call a man? First, give yourself permission to experience the tension and your feelings. Tolerate them until they pass. And they will pass. Feelings are just temporary. That's the trick – to feel you feelings, and to not act them out. It will take a great deal of self-discipline and work. It's easier to feel something, give in to your feelings and act out. Holding in your feelings, experiencing the feelings, and not acting them out is known as containing your feelings.
A warning: You will feel tension when you are in the process of containing your feelings. You'll probably want relief from the tension because you'll actually be uncomfortable. This discomfort will drive you to want to call him, because what you want is immediate gratification from the release of tension, Remember however, the anguish and pain you may have to go through if he rejects you, or you don't get the response you yearn for. "
