Re: Parental Guilt Alphabet Girl: [quote author=Cherry link=topic=38031.msg411250#msg411250 date=1164772269">
It is hard sometimes for people to keep quite if you see/feel/suspect a family memeber/loved one/close friend is going thru something and maybe going about it the wrong way or what you think is the wrong way......and as well intentioned as you are...............you kinda steamroll them sometimes.
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In my case, I am the one being steamrolled because they feel I am going about things the wrong way...
Re: Parental Guilt Cherry: Yeah me too. I was trying to say it from an outside perspective. In fact, I have to force myself because I am trying to establish healthy patterns with myself and with my relationships to others. It is really hard for me though, I totally understand.
I chose to be alone here. No family. I could have gone back to my mother but it would have been very unhealthy for me. I have grown personally, emotionally and mentally stronger too since I have been a place where I was happy, where my kids and I could grow . That hard sought after peace.
There is a line you can safely walk between loving your family and pushing for your own space.
Re: Parental Guilt sosad05: Add me to this group. My mom-bipolar-manic/depressive...its amazing how its taken me 30 years to realize SHE is straight up crazy. My dad...dont even know where to begin...he sees black/white. There's no in between. He's always right. His expectations and standards are unobtainable. They should NOT be married. Its a horrible role model.
At least now...I can hopefully try to do better for my own children. Its no wonder I chose a horrible spouse and ended up divorced. The holidays are horrible too as far as they go. My dad will go out of town to visit HIS parents. My mom may or may not be in town. So, I think this year I will just plan on my children and my sig other...and call it good.
Re: Parental Guilt Spike: Ok, GS, I have your excuse. Tell them that you're going to Canada to have a sex fest with a biker who goes by the name of Spike. Make sure to include the amount of alcohol we will be consuming and that the sex could eventually lead to chemistry set playing. I guarantee, they won't expect you next year.
Re: Parental Guilt yella: You already know my deal.
My parents know that I'll fight with them, but I won't cut them off. Meaning, I'll tell them to f*ck off (only in the past year), but I'll still answer the phone when they call, and help them when they need it.
As you know, I stayed home for Thanksgiving, and yeah, they were hurt, but things would have been worse had I have gone. They still don't understand that, may never.
I was talking to a very good friend last week, and he's going through something similar too. His family views him weak, and naive, so I told him that he needs to voice his opinions and be firm about it. It seemed to have worked because they actually listened to what he had to say.
There comes a point in time when we have to make our parents aware that we are adults. We're not the same babies they were raising. The raising part of the relationship is over, and applying the lessons learned (all of them) is in progress. Yes, we may need them for the small things, or some of the bigger things, but it won't be how they expect it to be.
My parents get me confused with my sister. I'm the type of person who will learn from past mistakes, and I work hard not to repeat them. I'm aware of what I'm doing, and I make changes in my life. My sister doesn't. If you ever meet her, you'd see the difference pretty clearly. They are still stuck in trying to treat us the same way. You can't.
I WILL distance myself from my family if I need to. I've done it before and I'll do it again. If that's what it takes to change the dynamic to something tolerable, I'll do it.
My only hurdle is that I need them for day-care pick-up. Other than that, I don't.
I've come to understand that you can't fully trust or rely on anyone in your life. Eventually, people will do what they do, and that includes your parents. The only one you can fully trust is you.
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