Not again. I don't know how much more I can take. ezydriver: I was doing so well. 7 months. I'd developed a good hard scab over my wound. 4 Months from this breakup, 4 months since I saw you. Add the 3 months from late last year, and that 7 months in total.
And then,
FUCK!!!! I hear the news yesterday you're pregnant, and with somebody else, so soon,
I cant believe how its ripped that scab right off, months off hard healing, months of pain, months of sadness, months of tears, months of counselling, months of repair, months of trying to make sense of it all
All wiped out by finding out you're pregnant, after all you said about motherhood, after all your issues, after all your incapabilities, after all of our time together, after all our brilliant times spent together, after all that,
You've just replaced me, and got pregnant.
Boy that fucking hurts. I haven't eaten for 24 hours, back to the old familiar pattern, yupp.
Back to using up whole toilet rolls because of tears and snot.
Back to feeling like I'm scared to be in my own company,
Back to ringing in work every other day to say I cant make it in
Back to starting topics on Ojar, instead of answering and helping others
Back to depression
Back to relying on my parents for support and comfort, even though it tears them apart too.
Why? Why? Why? Did I have to find that out so accidently, after all my extreme precautions. You blurted it to a neighbour, who is my aunt, who told my gran, who told me casually in a phone call. WTF!!!. How fucked up is that? all the way down a chain and it gets to me within days and undoes almost all of my healing. That is seriously not right. That is some sick fucking cruel twist of fate. And I dont know how much more I can take.
Re: Not again. I don't know how much more I can take. icwtsmnl: i know it sucks. really really really does. and probably no advice anyone gives is going to really help because its what YOU will yourself to do. Make yourself remember HOW you were healing and that this piece of news does not interrupt YOUR flow. sure, its news you'd rather not know, but it is completely separate from the healing path you were already on yourself. does that make sense?
this is NOT her breaking up with you. realize that and don't equate her new situation with your situation.
hard to do, but its important. takes practice. hugs.
Re: Not again. I don't know how much more I can take. sheydp: The fact that she got pregnant so soon... doesn't that tell you that things aren't quite right with her? She has issues you can't help her with. This doesn't indicate her being over you or moved on and happy - this shows she is unable to maneuver healthily still. This isn't a replacement, this is all HER issues, not about you at all.
Please take care of yourself... Eat something small, this may have thrown you back, but the road through recovery will be faster now - you have already travelled it. You KNOW you can do it, you know you can come out on the other side. For me, the time I had the worst throwback was when I was finally able to move completely on. Hurts almost worse than the start - but allows you to let go. You will be ok, I promise. Just keep chugging along, trying your best to take care of you, ok?
Shey
Re: Not again. I don't know how much more I can take. MEP2006: Oh friend. Your pain is tangible in this post. I felt everything you said, every bit of despair, every desperate ache...
What I think is this:
You know how you spend a lot of time working out, build a strong body and increase your muscle mass, but then take a break for awhile? You may lose that muscle mass to a bit of atrophy, but when you start working out again, it takes half as long to rebuild it to the same place it was previously.
I think it's very likely that the same holds true for your healing. This is a setback, no doubt about it. But it's not the same place you were when all this originally happened. You've already put in so much foundational work... that can't just be undone. It will still be there to give you something to stand on while you get back to that stronger place. And you will, friend. You're going to be okay. This is a dark place, but it won't be forever.
Hugs to you.
Re: Not again. I don't know how much more I can take. worchid76: You need to try to get it back together. Ez you said it yourself you would not want to have children with her and that you felt sorry for the kids.
So why R U feeling so sad ???
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