When to know christincali: Hi everyone,
it has been a while and I post spuradically so some of you may or may not remember me. I have been with my bf for almost 3 yrs. We were very happy until his parents got involved, and then we broke up got back together, broke up again and have been back together again, never broken up for more than a month. I am trying so hard because his situation is tough but I am not sure how much more I can take and how to tell if it is worth it. He is not good at communicating at all so I never know where we stand, we have good days and bad days. But never fight.
I know he is going through the following things and have been told by a lot of close people that giving the circumstances he may love me but may not have that much time for me because he is working on so many other things right now.
Here are the things he is working through
1) Still not speaking to parents since July, but can tell he eventually wants to smooth things over. All his stuff including his motorcycle are at his house.
2) Working 80 hours a week and investing in a start up company that has no money to pay him back
3) building up debt and not having any money
4) having not having health insurance
and there are other things but those are what I feel to be important, when we are together he seems distant and depressed, but when I ask him if he is depressed he says no. I do not know what to do. I do not know what to say I have tried to talk to him and it only pushes us further apart. He feels like until his life is worked out he cannot work on us, that is just what I am assuming and what others are telling me. I have never had any experience with this please give some advice
Re: When to know Ray.Banner: It sounds like he is going through a very rough period in his life, and it appears that he is depressed. Just because he says he isn't, doesn't meant that he isn't. Throw in the start up business, the family feud, his lack of communication with you...you have your work cut out for you. You are not in a very good position to make changes in your current situation, especially since he refuses your help and doesn't talk to you about his problems. Consider either moving on, or giving him the good ole' time and space routine until he either comes around or decides to move on. Sorry I can't be more positive.
Re: When to know christincali: That actually makes a lot of sense, it is unfortunate that because I am in love with him I am not ready to throw in the towel even though right now he does not make me happy. I want to try the space thing but as many know it is just so hard, and then I start to worry, I am just so confused and really wish someone else could manage my life for a while.
Re: When to know Ray.Banner: Well, sure you love him. Otherwise you would have walked away from a very tough situation. Answers are not going to come quickly, and doing the time and space thing may not accomplish anything but increase and prolong your misery. But if he is not going to talk to you and listen to you, what else have you got? Maybe he will listen to you if he thinks he may lose you, and the only way he is going to feel that way is if you back off, and let him come to you.
Re: When to know christincali: Yes that is what I will have to do. Thank you so much for taking the time to give me advice, it really does help and make you realize what needs to be done. That does not mean I will not be back on here tomorrow. Love makes a sane person go crazy
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