guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends superwife: I'm sure it's been discussed here before, but I'll open it up again.
My take: all guys (or reverse) are jealous of any guy (or reverse) friends their girlfriend (or reverse) has.
I was told this by my ex bf. I had occasion to speak to him recently, and now that all is done and over with, and I am dating someone else, the topic came up.
I have a very good guy friend. We have been friends for 12 years, and I have known him for at least 15. He was my brothers best friend, and we became very close after my brother died. he is like my big brother that I no longer have. I do not find him attractive, have never, and never looked at him in that way (he is 4 yrs older than me). He is now divorced too, and he and I are 'out there' again. Oh yeah...he lives in Russia (works for the US embassy). So I rarely see him. He called me the other day while my bf was over, I spoke with him for about 5 min. He was letting me know that he would be in the states next week. When the phone rang, I felt weird picking it up. But then again, I felt weirder not. I didn't answer the first time, b/c his # comes up as unknown, and I don't really like answering unknown calls. Then I felt like if I didn't I was hiding something.
I have mentioned him to my bf, and I then spoke more about him after I hung up with him. I explained how our friendship really began He said he's not the jealous type, but used to be :-\. This was after he asked if he was hot :D. He said "hey if you want him, go ahead", but not in a jealous sounding way. And I said somehting like "I would have already'. My girl friends have even asked me if I'd ever hook up with him. Uh...no. It's like you can't be friends with a guy. I have said the same thing to him about chicks too (go ahead, if that's what you want). After both of us being cheated on, it seems that we are in agreement with the 'just go' if you want someone else. But I know you can't keep saying that, (just like my first husband used to joke about divorce all the time), becuase then you start to wonder.
So now my question is not 'is he really jealous or threatened by this', b/c none of you know him. But my question is, is it possible for a guy not to be jealous about a friendship like this?
Then i makes me think, if the shoe were on the other foot, how would I feel? I'd like to say I wouldn't be threatened, but would I? I am actually secure enough with myself that I don't think i would be. If he wanted to be with her, he would be already, right? My ex bf says all guys are jealous of any guy that is friends with their gf, and used my friend as an example. He said he understood the relationship I have with him, but 'some guys may not'. He said something about how I put him so high on a pedestal. I told him this and he laughed his ass off. He ended our last call by saying 'lemme get doen from this pedestal now' (he's a real smartass).
So what do any of you think about my theory (or actually my ex bf's theory)?
Re: guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends MadorSad: I do not like it myself but, I could deal with it as long as she told me about him........
The problem is all men want one thing..... IMOP
Re: guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends pluscachange: I have never met a girl, who has male "friends" (non-married, in a non-married couple situation) who doesn't believe that their male "friends" are anything but friends.
Almost every single time though, their male friend, wants to bang them. This is why they maintain contact, however infrequently. Even in special or extreme circumstances.
Nobody likes it when I say that. Most don't agree. That's all right, because ultimately, I believe it's true.
There, I've said it. I'd say it again.
Re: guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends superwife: [quote author=pluscachange link=topic=38067.msg411675#msg411675 date=1164827581">
Nobody likes it when I say that. Most don't agree. That's all right, because ultimately, I believe it's true.
[/quote">
That's why it is an opinion, there is no right or wrong, I'm guessing.
And that is why I come to you guys. He knows I am here (not here, per se) but on a divorce support site, where I talk to guys (and girls). Am I not supposed to talk to you guys b/c I have a bf now?? I don't think so. I already had someone who was threatened by such things like that. I knew it would not work out...and it didn't. It's all about trust, right?
Re: guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends Lumpy: [quote author=pluscachange link=topic=38067.msg411675#msg411675 date=1164827581">
Almost every single time though, their male friend, wants to bang them. This is why they maintain contact, however infrequently. Even in special or extreme circumstances.
Nobody likes it when I say that. Most don't agree. That's all right, because ultimately, I believe it's true.
There, I've said it. I'd say it again.
[/quote">
I would agree with the first part of that statement but not the second. If the male friend is at all sexually attracted to the female then yes, the possibility of sex is at least in the back of their mind. To say that possibility is the only reason they maintain the friendship I feel is extreme. I've had plenty of female friends over the years. I maintained the relationship because I enjoyed that person's company or respected their opinions primarily. Maybe I'm the exception though.
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