Re: guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends pluscachange: [quote author=SuperChick link=topic=38067.msg411683#msg411683 date=1164827923">
[quote author=pluscachange link=topic=38067.msg411675#msg411675 date=1164827581">
Nobody likes it when I say that. Most don't agree. That's all right, because ultimately, I believe it's true.
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That's why it is an opinion, there is no right or wrong, I'm guessing.
And that is why I come to you guys. He knows I am here (not here, per se) but on a divorce support site, where I talk to guys (and girls). Am I not supposed to talk to you guys b/c I have a bf now?? I don't think so. I already had someone who was threatened by such things like that. I knew it would not work out...and it didn't. It's all about trust, right?
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I'm anonymous. You don't know me. You're not my real life "friend", as in, we meet, talk, touch, laugh together, have eye contact, etc. Ergo, I'm not a "threat". There's no chance I'll show up at your door one day saying "Hey, I'm back from Russia, c'mere my little babushka" or whatever. No threat, not real.
Your friend, on the other hand, can be construed as a threat. And I hate to say it, but rightfully so. Your BF probably knows what every other guy knows, which is what I've stated above. The exceptions are SO RARE as to be, well, exceptional. Though, and this is key, every woman thinks that their male buddy is the exception. Most likely, no matter how much you may boggle at the thought, he's not. Shocking, I know.
If your BF had a really really hot friend who was a girl and who hung on him, innocently of course, and giggled at his every joke and gave him big googly eyes, would you say "hey, it's about trust here, I don't feel jealous at all"? Same thing really, because while your guy friend may not be obvious, the signs are still there for us guys, because well, we're guys, and we know.
Make sense?
Re: guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends pluscachange: [quote author=Lumpy link=topic=38067.msg411688#msg411688 date=1164828118">
[quote author=pluscachange link=topic=38067.msg411675#msg411675 date=1164827581">
Almost every single time though, their male friend, wants to bang them. This is why they maintain contact, however infrequently. Even in special or extreme circumstances.
Nobody likes it when I say that. Most don't agree. That's all right, because ultimately, I believe it's true.
There, I've said it. I'd say it again.
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I would agree with the first part of that statement but not the second. If the male friend is at all sexually attracted to the female then yes, the possibility of sex is at least in the back of their mind. To say that possibility is the only reason they maintain the friendship I feel is extreme. I've had plenty of female friends over the years. I maintained the relationship because I enjoyed that person's company or respected their opinions primarily. Maybe I'm the exception though.
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You may be. It can happen. I just think it's so rare that it's practically unique.
Again, I do hold that there can be exceptions, and a lot of things play into it. My general impression is "same age, some history together, both reasonably attractive". I can be a regular normal friend to the woman who is 20 years older than me and looks like the lunch lady and who attracts me zero point zero percent. If the girl is my age or younger (adult of course), reasonably attractive, eh, there's going to be that underlying sexual tension.
Re: guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends TarheelMike: [quote author=pluscachange link=topic=38067.msg411675#msg411675 date=1164827581">
I have never met a girl, who has male "friends" (non-married, in a non-married couple situation) who doesn't believe that their male "friends" are anything but friends.
Almost every single time though, their male friend, wants to bang them. This is why they maintain contact, however infrequently. Even in special or extreme circumstances.
Nobody likes it when I say that. Most don't agree. That's all right, because ultimately, I believe it's true.
There, I've said it. I'd say it again.
[/quote">
No, there's no "believing." It just IS true. Gee, I wonder why I lost all contact with my girl "friends" after I started seeing my ex... Coincidence?
Re: guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends sheeps: I think the situation is more fluid when in a relationship as opposed to a Marriage. I have some life-long female friends who I've never considered sleeping with.
However, when I married, I took my vows seriously. To wit: "Forsaking all others."
The concept of "a life outside of the marriage" is a modern one and I believe it has contributed to the disastrous divorce rate in this country. Anything that bothers your SO needs to be discussed. And if you can't make sacrifices for the good of the relationship, than it will likely fail.
My experience...my $.02, your mileage/kilometerage may vary.
Re: guys/girls being jealous of opposite sex friends superwife: [quote author=Tarheel link=topic=38067.msg411702#msg411702 date=1164828552">
No, there's no "believing." It just IS true. Gee, I wonder why I lost all contact with my girl "friends" after I started seeing my ex... Coincidence?
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By who's choice was the contact lost? I'm not sure what you are getting at. you didn't need them anymore?
[quote author=sheeps link=topic=38067.msg411703#msg411703 date=1164828667">
The concept of "a life outside of the marriage" is a modern one and I believe it has contributed to the disastrous divorce rate in this country. Anything that bothers your SO needs to be discussed. And if you can't make sacrifices for the good of the relationship, than it will likely fail.
[/quote">
Well, gee, I'm kind of glad I had someowhat of a life outside of the marriage. None of which, bTW, had anything to do with this guy. He hated my ex, and we had a huge falling out before I married him. We sort-of reconciled while I was married to my ex, but became closer (via phone and internet) after I separated from my ex. My ex, BTW, had not problem with him (he actually had no idea how much he hated my ex in the beginning).
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