my story wings: so I figured I'd tell my story, just to get it out...
We met in 1996, got married in 2001. Celebrated our 5th anniversary in April 2006.
and then he started acting weird.
He became distant, was drinking a lot, was not home a lot. And when he was home he was just loaded so it was irritating. And then he started not coming home at all. So of course I suspected he was seeing someone else, so I asked him. He denied it, I've asked a zillion times over and he promises he's not seeing anyone. Part of me believes him and part of me doesn't. But it doesnt really matter anymore.
One day when he didn't come home at night... it was the next day I was worried sick that he died or something. I called him and he says everything is OK, he just fell asleep at a friend's watching a movie. And so I say "no, everything is NOT ok" and I needed to know what was going on. And so since we're both at work he says we'll talk tonight at home.
So that night he basically told me he wants a divorce. He doesn't think we have anything in common anymore, and he wants to be alone, and be free, and go find himself. That he's looking for something else, and he doesn't know what it is. But it isn't being married to me.
So this was 2 months ago, and I've gone thru many stages of how I'm dealing with this.
I feel like he has destroyed my past, my present, and my future.
The worst part really is dealing with the loneliness and the grief.
I cry my eyes swollen at night, and my friends are sick of me. And I'm sick of my family and their opinions.
So I feel pretty alone... and that's how I found this ojar website.
hi guys...
~wings~
Re: my story johnnzd: You came to the right place. I became a member a week ago. You will find great people here that will listen to what it is you have to say. Our hearts go out to you. Make sure you keep sharing your thoughts and find solace that others have walked in your shoes & survived.
Re: my story Ray.Banner: Wings,
Sorry you had to find us. First off, I'd like to commend you for having the strength to confront him about your concerns. Sure, everything exploded and you are left picking up the pieces, but let's look at this realistically. Of course he was cheating on you. The evidence is right in front of you. It was over a long time ago, at least for him. Now you get a chance to start healing, and stop being taken advantage of. Sure, you're at an all time low right now, but things will only get better. From what I can tell, there are no children involved, and that's going to make it much easier for you to make a clean break. You are apparently a strong woman, who has what it takes to get through this. And you will, just as many others have before you.
Re: my story sosad05: Dear Wings,
I'm sorry that your recent circumstances have lead you here. It is definitely a great place though with caring people who can help you through your hardest times. As you continue to read/post, you'll see that your story is a common one.
I'm almost 2 years post divorce now. I've learned that its an emotional roller coaster. It starts out that everyday is bad. Then eventually one day is good. Then before you know it, you'll have more good days then bad. Then, your xh will just be a distant memory and something will trigger you to be sad again. It sucks. But, you do get through it. You just have to take it a day at at time.
Are you seeing a therapist? That was one thing that helped me tremendously too. In the first 6 months of my divorce I saw her every week. Sometimes twice a week. Most people on OJAR believe in a "NO contact" situation which I too followed and found it much easier to cope when I cut all contact off other than small details about the kids. Today, I speak to my xh at least once a week and see him too but it doesnt hurt anymore like it did in the beginning.
We are here for you. Keep posting.
Re: my story dbmomma: Wings,
It's rough when you see your ormer loved one has moved on and you are still trying to figure out what happened. I have to agree with the no-contact idea. As much as it is practical stay away from your ex (or soon to be ex). It's kind of like ripping a bandaid off of a wound. Do it once and leave it alone to heal. If you keep doing it over and over it won't heal nearly as quickly, or as well.
If you don't have anyone in your fmaily or friends that you can vent to, vent to us at OJAR, or to a therapist. Check with your work, they may have a plan where you can see someone for a few visits at no cost to you. My mind just went totally blank so I can't remember what the program is called, but it is seperate from your medical insurance (if you get yours through work).
Hang in there, it will eventually get much less painful. Heck it might even get better (I am not at that point, but would like to be someday).
Bethany
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