AM I A WIMP??? Cherry: Okay, I need help. I have considered myself a strong capable woman who can take care of business. I am moving away from the helpless victim SOM and taking charge. I didn't think my abusive past was such a huge issue until last night.
There was the whole cable guy thing and then a friend of a friend has decided "Im cool" and he wants to hang out. He is 19 and I am so NOT even interested in ANYTHING. It isn't that.
I have a hard time being a "bitch". Why is it so difficult for me to tell someone to take a flying leap when they are making me uncomfortable. I dont want him hanging out because it is not respectful to my bf, he isn't my friend in the first place and he is so freakin immature. (As in he has 2 kids on the way - one girl 3 mo preg and the other is 5 mo......plus he has screwed two girls in my apt complex.....yuck!!)
He had a run in with the cops here and I dont want to garner any trouble either.
Is it my past (abuse) that makes me hesitate to take care of business? Or what?
Please help, I would appreciate even if you tell me to just pull my head out of my rear.
Anyone else have a similar problem?
Re: AM I A WIMP??? icwtsmnl: all you have to say is, "i think you're a nice guy, but i don't think my boyfriend would feel comfortable about us hanging out". if he stupidly says, "well your bf doesn't have to know", say, "I don't work like that. sorry".
Re: AM I A WIMP??? Lady Phoenix: You? a wimp? :o Far from it so get that notion out of your head right now ya hear me girl?
I too have a hard time being anything but "nice"...Over time I've learned piece by piece how to set my boundaries a bit better but I still have a looong way to go.. ::) You have been conditioned..just as I have..to never want to rock the boat..people that have been abused..in whatever form.. will do anything to avoid confrontation and just want to go along making everything nice for everyone else..even at our own expense. But I'm sure you know that ;)
I think when this dude comes over..or suggests coming over..you either say hey Im not comfortable with this..or make up something.. you have to wash your hair...feed the dog..or you are working on the cure for cancer in the lab in your kitchen...whatever :P He cant cause you any trouble sweetie.. Put your foot down and tell him to "GO AWAY".. Put the garbage to the curb babe..
((HUGS))
Lady P.
Re: AM I A WIMP??? Topaz: You're not a wimp, but I believe these challenges come up for us in life to test us repeatedly until we master them.
I don't know how these things get started for you, nor do I know how they play out. However, I've had some experience with drama kings, and you've got to take control, control in this case being the ability to say to him clearly and succinctly, "I have a job, 2 small children, and a boyfriend that I'm very committed to, and it doesn't leave me with time for much of anything else. Although you seem like a nice person, unfortunately I won't be able to be more of a friend to you, and I think it's better if we just leave it at that." And then you apply strict NO CONTACT, because in my experience, the drama kings tend to be cling-ons.
Firm, clear, and kind is the way to go, imo.
Re: AM I A WIMP??? Cherry: LOL.....okay okay, Im not a wimp. but you are dead on about the not rocking the boat thing............*sigh*
I never minded before the girl who is my friend (the one he is friends with) told me he thought I was hot and wanted to have sex with me. She told him I had a boyfriend and he said........not for long. She says he was joking but I dont think so. She even told him not to stop by last night and he did.
I sent him on his way and took care of the situation............but I did start to examine my behavior. Especially since my first impulse was to call my bf for him to take care of it. I doubt he is very happy :-\
Actually you can see thru the edge of my curtains from the back door and when he knocked I got up and walked away.................then I made a call this morning and told them how I was feeling.
Man I feel upset though for some reason. This sucks.
Great advice Topaz...........now I just need to grow a pair and actually say it. I hate confrontations............I dont feel safe during them. :-\
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