this is the pits... freakshow: I just feel like I am in the dumps. He has literally drained me. I feel sick still all the time, constant fear that something is going to happen, constantly watching my own back. Everytime I am forced to see him ()at child's med appts) I put on a happy face and just "act" like I am so happy when I am actually feeling like crying.
Does this ever end?
I know it's only been 4 months for me but seriously I am feeling rather hopeless.
Everytime I see his face all I want to do vomit. He seriously has broken something inside me, not just my heart. I was such a strong woman and I think I still am a fighter, I am certainly doing fine with baby on my own.
I dunno anymore
Re: this is the pits... galil: I know how you feel. I hated having to see my ex when droping my son off on the days I have him.
It has been a little less time for me but I can relate.
I think the thing that is starting to help me most is I decided I dont have to volunteer for that anger or pain anymore. I now take my son to and from daycare and sidestep having to see the ex. It is a longer drive for me to do that but I feel it is well worth it.
I know you may not have a choice as to seeing him or not when it comes to medical visits and things of that nature. However you may be able to soften the blow by not going alone. maybe if you take a close friend you can stay focused on the task at hand and if there is any idle time you can talk with your friend and not have to deal with your ex.
In time it will get better, it just blows waiting for that time to get here. Hang in there,your not alone :-\
Re: this is the pits... doodlesmore: omg...hun.....so so sorry
listen I went through the "getting sick" phase. I could not eat.....whenever my husband left I would go for days without eating. I think I lost 15 pounds in a matter of 3-4 weeks. ( have gained it back since then...plus some) but I can't say as there was anything in particular that helped me move on and get past the fear of thinking something horrible was going to happen. I had friends tell me that I should go to the doctor and get prescribed some sort or antidepressant.....but....i never did that....I kept myself together....somehow. I would seriously talk to someone about how you feel.....family.....a close friend....try to make sure you have a way to talk about how you feel with whoever is close to you. I hope those feelings soon fade once you realize that there is nothing to be afraid of....just fear itself.
good luck hun.....lots and lots of hugs.....stay strong.....you will be fine!!!
Re: this is the pits... freakshow: Thanks. I really like the idea of not "volunteering" for the pain anymore, I am going to use that!
Also, fear itself is a HUGE problem. My only real fear at this point is that he and his manipulative little skanky family will attempt a custody battle at some point, which I cannot handle. I would DIE if my daughter was ever taken. I've given no reason for that to happen and plan on staying well above board in my behavoir but they are wormy and slimy I don't put anything past them.
Ordered a few self-help books now and am going to weekly therapy. Just trying all I can. I feel so crappy.
Re: this is the pits... galil: Weekly therapy IMO will help you more than you will know. As long as you have a good therapist anyway.
As far as his family and custody, well lets look at it this way.
Is there anything you coudl do about it this very second?
Nope probably not.
Here is what would realy suck.
You let this crap get to you, have a crappy day because of worry you may have a big custody battle, Your day with your child is shall we say less than stellar because of these issues you are worried about.
Then POOOOOOF!!!!!! you are walking to your car and a wet leaf is there right in front of you. You dont know the danger wet leaves can cause so you unknowingly put yourself at risk and step on the wet leaf none the wiser. Ant thats it game over, the wet leaf did you in and you are headed for the pearly gates. On the way up you look back and realize your last day on this planet was spent worrying about something you had absolutely know control over and something that may have never happened anyway.
Everyday I go to work I have a wet leaf lurcking right around the corner as my proffesion is one that has been considered to be one of the most dangerous to partake in. So I am trying to not worry about the things I have no control over and try to live for today as I may not have a next day. I would hate to think the last day I spent on this planet I wasted it on someone who did not want me.
You are doing all the right things it will get better!
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