Is the grass greener? aphrodite: Hey All!
Wow...I'm looking at this site and not seeing any familar names.
I once was a member constantly writing/responding last year when I went thru my divorce. So funny how things change.
Well... as some of you might remember my divorce to the attorney that left me and my then 1 year old daughter for a slut secretary 10 years his junior was finalized March 2006.
Turned out the grass wasn't greener and he's still wanting to get back to gether with me to this very day. I have had one relationship with a gentleman who left for the war and really it is a friendship now when he returns.
I am currently stepping into another (early stages of dating) with another man who's ex was an attorney that cheated on him. Ironic huh?
He's a great guy - has close to 50/50 custody of his 2 girls and we'll seems too good to be true.....so I'm thinking hmmm-
I guess I'm questioning things...with the holidays now - it's hard- people spending time together/apart...blah..blah..
So this is my question.....Is it normal for a couple who is divorced to spend a week together at one of the in laws for the sake of spending time with their children? He said it was a horrible trip and wouldn't do it again but also said it "nailed the coffin"- so that means he still has feelings for his ex right?
I guess it's normal to maybe always have feelings for the ex...I know I still "feel" something when I see mine but I know it wouldn't work if we got back together...He has too much stuff to figure out still to be a good husband again. However, he is a much better dad with our now 2 year old and I am so thankful for that and really support his realtionship with our daughter...I guess I just wouldn't spend a week with him for the holidays....unless I wanted to see if it would work or to see my feelings for him.
My gut tells me this guy I'm dating still has feelings for his ex. In fact I think if she stopped manipulating him and turned around and said let's get back together - he might say yes.
So does that mean I should stop dating him? I know it's early but we are romantic now and I guess I just don't want to get attached and put effort into something if it may change- and have my daughter get use to him and his children.
I gotta tell all of you out there with children who are divorced....don't give up! This is hard dating with a child- unbelievably hard- not like it was before I got married. So many factors to consider now- lots to juggle
If anyone has any tips on dating with children from past experiences I would really like to hear them. I just feel like I'm doing everything I can but I'm not sure if I'm doing the dating thing right? any rules or no rules with children? Help! This could be the start of a Bridget Jones Diary 4 + a little girl!
Night
Aphrodite
Re: Is the grass greener? tryingtosmile: Hi Aphrodite,
I can't comment on the children portion of your post because I don't have any but there are many wonderful people on here who do and they will share some good advice, I'm sure! However, in regards to the man you are seeing and your question about his feelings for his ex: In general, I would say that if your gut tells you that something is a little off about this whole Christmas in-law adventure, then you are probably onto something. I guess everyone's situation is different, but it does seem weird to me that he would spend a whole week with his ex just for the children. It might be more plausible if he was popping in and out during the week to be with them..but a week is a long time to spend 24/7 with an ex. I think most people would want to avoid that FOR the sake of their children!! You are probably right in your thinking that he still has some feelings for her.
If the two of you are just casually dating for fun, I wouldn't worry too much about it. However, if you really like this guy or think that it could become serious, I think you should talk to him about your feelings. No one wants to date someone who would rather be back together with their ex. How long has he been divorced? Could you be a re-bound relationship for him, even subconsciously??
Good luck with him and it was good to read the story of someone who has been through divorce and moved on with their life. It gives me hope! :)
Re: Is the grass greener? Spike: The grass is always greenest right under your feet, but you need to look at yourself to see that.
