What are the signs of remorse after an affair? Lost-and-alone: Can anyone tell me what the signs are of remorse after an affair - how I know he truly feels horrible about what he did to me?
Re: What are the signs of remorse after an affair? newts: LaA,
Only you can answer this question, it's far too hard for someone who doesn't know him or you to be able to tell what the signs are.
All I can say is go with your gut instincts in this case, not your heart.
Re: What are the signs of remorse after an affair? Lost-and-alone: I can only compare his actions to how he was after the first affair - I truly could feel that he felt very strong remorse. He cried and confessed everything to me out of teh blue - I had no suspicions whatsoever - but a couple of years later I guess he forgot about how he hurt me when he did it again.
Anyone else?
Re: What are the signs of remorse after an affair? devastated: I would like to know as well. So far, my WS has not 'performed' the expected show of remorse (e.g. crying, begging for forgiveness).
All that I've got after many hours of talking this past week after I found out has been teary-eyed or dry eyed statements that she knows she was wrong, that it was inexcusable and that she did it without thinking or without wanting to think about the consequences. She knows she's hurt me, and finally last night, said that that 65% of her wants to work on the marriage (the first time she's mentioned wanting to reconcile)
According to her, she's losing feelings for the OW (yes, OW, a co-worker). They've only been physical for 2 weeks, only kissing and touchy-feely in the car, nothing more, and she misses the romance and the feeling of being cared for more than the person itself....
I believe her, and I WANT to believe her, telling myself that she has been too busy all week (and its true, it has been hectic for her) to really reflect on what she did, hence the lack of remorse on her part, but sometimes I'm also filled with doubt when I remember the times the last 2-3 weeks when she would look me in the eye and swear there was nothing going btw the two of them. So yes, I guess if and when I see TRUE remorse then I will be more sure about whether she is telling me the truth, or jus telling me what I want to hear... its very difficult to trust when you lose that trust in the worse-possible way :(
Re: What are the signs of remorse after an affair? ibelong2me: In my situation and it lots that I see there is no remorse only guilt that they have hurt someone. My stbx never cried about it...he tried to do nice things more than normal for about 2 weeks after I found out but that was it. I personally don't think most that have affairs have remorse..maybe some regrets and guilt for what they have done. But I'm sure there are some out there willing to shed their tears and be remorseful.
Ibelong2me
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