Re: First contact since separation...'Absolute Truth'? madmax: [quote author=athena link=topic=38532.msg419183#msg419183 date=1165605677">
If you are getting divorced you should look at yourself and how you may have contributed just as much as them. Regardless of who left who.
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Agreed...and believe me, I have looked at myself...and acknowledged my contributions to the failed marriage.
But...at this point I'm just curious if my ex has done the same.
If you read my post on the money issue above, it seems obvious to me that she has fabricated this accusation to justify her actions...even though this particular item is cut and dried. It makes me wonder how many other items she's using to justify her actions are obvious fabrications too.
Does that make sense?
It doesn't matter at this point of course...but IF she left more for personal issues that marital issues, it would be nice to know for my own peace of mind.
Her leaving (or decision to leave) has definitely affected her rational thoughts about me. Accusations of infidelity and attempted murder are among these. Believe me, it's tough to sit and defend yourself against such outlandish claims.
I guess at this point I have to decide what I believe and stand by it...and based on the money issue and extreme accusations in the paragraph above, I believe she left more for personal issues than marital issues.
Re: 'Absolute Truth'? madmax: I just can't let this one rest...especially after today.
My attorney just told me that 6 months ago...right after my ex walked out...that she initially wanted to determine if there was any chance for reconciliation (which is good) before continuing with the litigation my ex started.
She asked my ex's atty "Any chance for reconciliation?"
...he replied "I don't know...let me ask my client."
After consulting with my ex he responded "There is no chance for reconciliation. My client told me that he 'Beat her up too many times.'"
Well, let me tell you something...after analyzing the claims in my specific case, there is a lot of absolute truth. Trust me...I understand that you're hearing my side of the story...but there is a higher power that knows the absolute truth...in my specific case:
1 - She claimed abuse - Truth: I never struck my wife the entire 15 years we knew each other
2 - She claimed infidelity - Truth: I never so much as brushed up against another woman in 15 years
3 - She claimed I attempted killing her - Truth: I don't even want to acknowledge such an outlandish claim...so I'll just leave it alone saying that I loved my wife till the day she walked out...and then some.
I know I'm not perfect...and never claimed to be...but on these items, there is not a matter of 'perspective'...only truth and lies.....
I guess I've learned to take everything at face value, as one persons words only...knowing that out there somewhere is Absolute Truth...and anyone that speaks outside of this truth...well, they are just kidding themselves...and they will have to answer for their lies at some point in time. They may have to answer to themselves, their friends, their families or to the higher power that knows all.............
Re: First contact since separation...'Absolute Truth'? Lumpy: [quote author=madmax link=topic=38532.msg419162#msg419162 date=1165603945">
[quote author=TheJoker link=topic=38532.msg419145#msg419145 date=1165602960">
there is no truth... there is only perspective. which is exactly what you said.
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True...but...
...there is a lot of truth in perspective. For example, my ex and I had monies set up to EFT into our bank account before separation. The EFT didn't occur until after separation. Immediately after the monies hit our joint account, she withdrew her portion. No problem.
3 weeks later, her atty contacted my atty and asked for me to send her portion by check...even though she had already withdrawn it.
I don't see much room for a difference of perspective on this one...this is definitely a truth vs untrue item.
My atty sent her atty this email a few days ago on an unrelated issue:
Attached are statements for both the joint bank account and (Madmax)'s bank account. The next time you speak with (stbx), can you get her to identify the transactions she thinks are suspicious? Once before (stbx) had told you that (Madmax) took her ($$$) and we produced one of these bank statements along with her signed withdrawal slip to show you that she had in fact withdrawn her ($$$) from the joint account. Too often a spouse has a need for an unqualified rejection of all of her feelings for the other spouse and she reinforces her emotional decision to divorce by seeing everything he does in the worst light possible. That is when facts get distorted. We are trying our best to avoid that so we would certainly appreciate your questions while there is time to find the proof.
So again I say...isn't there one 'absolute truth'? The fact that her mentality won't even acknowledge her 'factual' actions on the above situation, doesn't it appear that there is the possiblity of 'absolute truth' on other issues in a separation? Can perspective be wrong?
I say "yes"
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It sounds to me like this is either a blatant attempt to defraud you or a miscommunication between her and her attorney. How could she have withdrew the money and not realized she had done so? That's not a perception problem, it's a moral one.
Re: 'Absolute Truth'? Mango25: Oddly enough, my ex often said, of our diagreements and of others', "You can be right, or you can be happy."
It's amazing the amount of time and energy that goes into trying to be right. Trying to convince her, lawyers, or others that your "perspective" or "absolute truth" is right might make you feel better, but how much does it really matter in the long run? Wouldn't you rather put your energy into trying to be happy? There is no evidence you have done anything of these things you are accused of, so you can stick to that truth with her and your lawyers. What she thinks, or however she has warped reality to fit what she wants to believe, otherwise, doesn't matter IMHO.
One of the the worst things exs, I think, can and do do is messing with our sense of reality. You know what you did and didn't do. Lies are lies. Perspective is one way to see things. And mental gymnastics to justify bad behavior is just a way to cover up guilt. Be happy, AND right; let those other things be what they are too.
Re: First contact since separation...'Absolute Truth'? madmax: [quote author=Lumpy link=topic=38532.msg422892#msg422892 date=1166142375">
It sounds to me like this is either a blatant attempt to defraud you or a miscommunication between her and her attorney. How could she have withdrew the money and not realized she had done so? That's not a perception problem, it's a moral one.
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At first I thought the same thing...this was a miscommunication. What shattered that image was that it was 3 weeks later.
Lumpy...check out what my attorney told hers...about making such claims:
"Too often a spouse has a need for an unqualified rejection of all of her feelings for the other spouse and she reinforces her emotional decision to divorce by seeing everything he does in the worst light possible. That is when facts get distorted."
In other words...she HAD to identify me as such a person to justify her actions...even though untrue.
[quote author=Mango25 link=topic=38532.msg422912#msg422912 date=1166143693">
It's amazing the amount of time and energy that goes into trying to be right. Trying to convince her, lawyers, or others that your "perspective" or "absolute truth" is right might make you feel better, but how much does it really matter in the long run? Wouldn't you rather put your energy into trying to be happy? There is no evidence you have done anything of these things you are accused of, so you can stick to that truth with her and your lawyers. What she thinks, or however she has warped reality to fit what she wants to believe, otherwise, doesn't matter IMHO.
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I agree. I never tried to convince her or her lawyers that I didn't do these things...except as it pertained to the case. Unless I proved that she took the money, I had to prove that I didn't...make sense?
I'm just mentioning it here as a topic of discussion...as a learning tool. I no longer care what she thinks.
So YES...I'm putting my energy into being happy ;D...and hopefully helping fellow ojarians do the same. Thanks Mango for the positive thoughts...everyone can learn from this.
