I need to make multiple post to tell my story sorry guys/gals *ALL MERGED HERE* Mr. Incognito: My wife left me. And everything pretty much sucks. I know that it is my fault I should have been stronger a year ago. Allow me to explain. I will try to sum up the past 11 years of my Life quickly as I can.
20 years old and I meet my wife we were both working 3rd shift I was at a machine shop and she was working at a gas station, we spoke hit it off pretty well and we were married 2 weeks later.
She wanted to be friends with her ex boyfriend who she was with for like 4 years prior. I relented because I figured that they were together for quite a while and I understood that she still cared about him even though he treated her like garbage. But We would argue about it and on a few occasions she would hit me I would be stunned and just go sit on the couch not knowing what to do.
She was chronicly depressed after about 2 years of marrage, well while working (now we both worked for the same janitorial company) I messed my back up pretty bad and spent the next three days in the hospital. Now I sunk into a deep depression because I had previous back problems from when I hurt myself at 16 and I was in alot of pain and basicly felt weak and pathetic. We moved into a nicer town and a nicer apartment because we had plans to finish collage. I basicly became weak and pathetic and did not work for almost a year. Granted I could not work for 4-5 of those months because of doctors orders. I basicly stayed out of work longer than I needed to. That was my fault should have been stronger. Well she told me that she was leaving me because I had become pathetic by not going to work, so she left. Well it forced me out of the house and so I did go and get a job changeing oil in cars at a auto shop that was nearby. Well she said she wanted to come back home if I would allow it. I tell her that I never wanted her to leave in the first place and welcome her back with open arms.
I get a job at the university that we wanted to go to for the free tuition and benefits but money was always tight I hated that job because it would stress me out like there was no tomorrow for about 2 months I was passing blood through my stool do to stress but I tried not to complain because I did not want her to leave me again, she was at the time working for a movie theater as the manager. Well a friend of mine who I worked with asked me if I would be willing to work for him on the side and I said sure. So at that point I became a bodygaurd for his son who was a DJ to replace the other 2 guys who apparently kept themselves busy tring to pick up the collage girls at the clubs that we would work. My wife thought it was a good idea for me to work for him beings how he paid me like 100 bucks for 4 hours a night. She would come around after she was off work to visit me and just kind of hang around while I did my thing.
Eventually it started to bug her that I did the bodyguard thing (she did not like drunk collage girls hitting on me) and so I quit. Well after a rough couple of months she tells me that she wanted to have children, I was not too keen on the idea, but eventually she was going to leave me if I did not relent and so desperate I said okay we can have kids. well along comes my son (who I love with all my heart)
Re: I need to make multiple post to tell my story sorry guys/gals Mr. Incognito: After having our son she says she wants to be a stay home home and quit her job, and "I say sure whatever you want to do honey whatever will make you happy." (That is all I have ever wanted for her.) well our son is born and he is what is called a High Functiong Autistic so now My wifes depression gets really bad, like worse than it has been in the past because now as a stay at home mom she does not only have to write the checks to pay the bills but she has to contact occupational therapy people for our son.
She stops cleaning herself daily and now showers maybe once every 3 to 4 days and if the house was going to get cleaned it was going to be cleaned by me. I was okay with that to some exent because she would be watching my son and writing sending the money out to pay our bills. Her depression was bugging me bad though and I felt like if she cared about me why wont she take care of herself and why does she alawys have to bring up her ex boyfriend from what is now almost 6 years ago? Granted she dose not say too many nice things about him but I feel like she should have just let it go.
Well my parents see to it that we can buy a home closer to them as they want to spend time with their grandson so we pack up our stuff and move to Florida. My wife gets our son into his occupational therapy and begins taking collage classes over the internet, meanwhile I work as a janitor at Sebastian High School, which does'nt pay the greatest but the benefits are are all right. None the less money gets tight and there are things that we would like to have in life and the wife does not want to work because she wants to be a stay at home mom and I dont want to ask my wife to get a job because I still feel guilty about that year I did not work when I hurt my back, I just want her to be happy and if having more money will make her happy then I will earn it. She is still aways depressed and Still talks about her ex boyfriend and here we are 9 years after the fact.
So I take up a weekend job as a bouncer for a place called Captain Hirams. Things are great for awhile my inital intention was to buy a motorcycle for two resons the first is because I like them and two they are way cheaper on gas. Well the wife does not like the car that she has and so I forgo the bike and buy her another car instead. (Eventually I was able to get the bike after the hurricanes came through town though) . Of course now we have another 300 dollar a month car payment, but she likes the car so I am happy. That does not last long and, again She is still depressed all the time and I cant seem to make her happy no matter what I do. I just sort of give up I guess again being weak and pathetic. I have tried to make her happy, and be supportive as best as I can without addressing her depression because I dont want her to feel like she is failing as a wife.
Re: I need to make multiple post to tell my story sorry guys/gals Mr. Incognito: Meanwhile there is this woman who worked for a cab company who would come into the bar all the time. She knew that I drink alot of coffee and so she would always bring be a cup along with a donut for me, she was always very happy to see me and would tell me what kind of great guy I was. She was very pretty, took care of herself and happy and my mere presence seem to make her giddy. Now I felt like I was worth a damn, I mean here is a woman who takes care of herself, and I dont have to do anything to make her happy but be around. But I feel guilty about the situation because I am a married man and so I tell her that I am afraid that she may be wanting stuff from me that I cant give because I am married but I dont want to be presumptuous so I hope that if I am wrong that she will forgive me. No, she does have feeling for me she says. Now I feel really guilty because my mind has strayed from my wife. Well now I have a problem because her is a woman who I seem to be able to make happy seemingly without effort and at home I have a wife who I cant do anyting right for, so I eventually tell my wife that I have to go because in my mind adultry in the mind is as bad as adultry of the flesh. I figure I owe it to her to let her have it all I will just walk away, she can have the house the car everything after all I am the weak husband right.
I move in with my parents and after about 3 days the wife comes over and tells me she wants me to come home I tell her that I cant because I was a terrible husband and I tell her about the cab driver who at this point I have kissed in a moment of weakness (Right afterward I kissed her I told her that we cant talk to eachother anymore because I feel like such an idiot for being so weak and unfaithful.) The wife says she does not care and that we can work it out. I explain that I have had to hear about her ex boyfriinds for 10 years now at it has driven me nuts because it is not as if they treated you well, I tell her that I try not to say much about it becase I dont want you to feel like you have upset me . I explain that I have her handle the finances so that she knows how much money is left over so that she can buy whatever she wants with it I tell her that I never cared if she did not want to work because I just wanted her to be happy but I am not infinate and that I feel like no matter how much freedom I giver her and no matter what I do she is never happy and that I apparently cannot make her happy. She says that she is sorry and that she wants me back and that she will go and get help to make her better, so I say okay that is what we will do.
Well through this last year she has lost about 60 pounds she bathes daily and has started keeping the house clean and began seeing a therapist, she started to be happy. In return I quit working as a bouncer to ease her mind about the women comming on to me and my possablity of straying. Throughout the year she has told me how she is actually a little glad that I met the cab driver because it has helped her to see how far she has fallen from happiness and has helped her to see that she really did need help for her depression. All the while I am thinking wow it all works out in the end I now have a wife who is happy to be around me and will take care of herself.
Re: I need to make multiple post to tell my story sorry guys/gals Mr. Incognito: Then out of the blue the day after thanksgiving she tells me her stomache hurts and so I am laying on the couch with her rubbing her tummy to soothe her pain, when she tells me that she wants a divorce. She packs up her stuff two days later and moves in with the guy who put siding on our house. I guess I am lucky that I have my son, but I am still very sad. I have to see her everyday because I work 2nd shift and so she stays with my boy until I get home from work. It makes me sick to my gut because I know that everyday I am going to see her and be forced to think to myself at least twice a day when I leave for work and when I return about her not staying home, our home no she is going to take the car that I am still paying for over to this other guys house and drive him around after all he does not have a car of his own. I am angry because I know that she will graduate from collage in April, collage that she would have not been able to go to if I had told her that I thought she should work. I happend apon an e-mail she sent her sister because she left it on the computer the day after she left. (The guy she moved in with does not have a computer and so she does her school work here when I am at work)
In this e-mail she says the following...
1.) That she does not feel like I have ever shown her any love and affection. 2.) She also states that while I have never hit her she always felt that it was because she had not pushed me to far (This really buged me because to my way of thinking what the hell does she have left that she can do to me she is after all the only spouse in this marrage who has hit the other and she left me to move in with another man for Gods sake!)
3.) That right now her and lou are only friends. I mean right now implys intent to me you know what I mean. I feel like I never should have come back last year.
I was still buying her smokes yesterday and giving her money to put gas in the car that I no longer drive. Hell I have even tried to talk her back into comming home even though she has moved in with a diffrent man, I told her that we should go to counciling anything not to tear our home apart but she wants no part of it.
I am really angry because I was unable to work for about a year due to me hurting my back and depression and she just walked out the door 8 years ago without batting an eye, but then I dealt with it for 10 years of our marrage before I cracked. When she finally gets help and begins to get better graduate from collage I become obsoleate. Yesterday I thought that I should take out a life insurance policy on myself worth around a million bucks then try that whole suicide by cop thing so that she can get the pay out. Maybe then in death I could finally made her happy.
Re: I need to make multiple post to tell my story sorry guys/gals *ALL MERGED HERE* Freckles: Why Worry about if SHE is happy ?
Be Yourself and Be Happy.
P.S.
Insurance does not pay off for Suicide and even if it did
Suicides [color=red"> Burn[/color"> in Hell and they would blow it all on Junk and then what ?
Who knows what the Future will bring. Get Rich and Show her that
you are somebody.
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