I don't want to try, he does... redfirebunny: I have asked my husband of 8 years to move out. We have 2 children. He is a wonderful father. I feel we have changed and have no desire to continue this marriage. He wants to work on it, I don't.
He wants to go to talk to someone, I don't.
He wants to try and 'date' again, I don't.
Ever since I told him I wanted him to move out, all I want is for him to move out and let me start to heal and move on.
What is wrong with me, I don't love him. I don't want to have sex with him, I don't want him in the house following me around all day telling me we need to work on the marriage. It just makes me feel smothered and angry with him. Help.
Re: I don't want to try, he does... crushedman: First of all, if you are the one that wants out, why should he have to move- if you want out, why don't you move? Second, how is he supposed to be a wonderful father if he moves out? Third, how have you changed? Why don't you have a desire to continue the marriage? Fourth, getting a divorce will probably the biggest decision you ever make in your life. Why in the world do you NOT want to go to counseling and try to fix things? What do you have to lose? The worst thing that can happen is that it doesn't work out. Fifth, why would you be angry at him for trying to work things out with you? He is simply trying to honor his lifelong commitment to his family, you are not. Why aren't you mad at yourself?
cm
Re: I don't want to try, he does... ebl: well, first of all, crushed, lets not quickly jump to conclusions.
Redfire,
Why are you upset with your husband?
Did he cheat on you?
Is he an alcoholic?
Is he a drug user?
Does he have a roving eye?
Does he verbally or physically hurt you?
If you answered "none of the above" then please go back and read crushedman's response.
Re: I don't want to try, he does... ann7906: Love is a choice, not merely a feeling. You should continue to make choices that benefit both of you and your children, not choices that benefit only yourself.
You say you've both changed. Of course you have--that's the natural course of human life. Do you really think that couples in their 80s, couples who have been married for 60 years, are still the same people they were when they married in 1940? Of course not. "We've changed" isn't a reason to get divorced--it means your expectations of marriage are unrealistic. And if things can change one way, they can change again.
Feelings are transitory. You won't always feel 'in love' at every point in a life-long marriage; there will always be high and low points. The highs don't last forever and neither do the lows; it's cyclical.
I agree with crushed. Unless the kinds of things ebl listed are occurring, you should be willing to work through this marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part--remember?
Re: I don't want to try, he does... crushedman: Doesn't this thread say it all?
1. Leaver or potential leaver starts a thread
2. Ojar community gives leaver brutal honesty concerning their situation
3. Leaver stops posting
Why do you think they stop posting? It's pretty obvious to me that they can't stand to give an accounting of themselves.
cm
Click More for the next page.
