did something dumb tonight, but oh well... ebl: My stbx's husband's parents are very religious and come from a religion that does not believe in divorce.
I don't know what possessed me, but I thought that I would get some closure if I called them up and just spoke honestly with them and asked them why the divorce if they don't believe in that.
What was that for?? My stbx mother in law, picked up the phone, and was extremely short with me. She passed the phone over to her husband, and I started telling him that I feel very bad for the way that things have turned out. He was so short and seemed angry with me on the telephone.
So, I asked him why is it that he's angry with me, when I'm the victim around here and his son left me, not the other way around.
He got so angry - he said that I'm part responsible for what happened and that there are NO victims in my case. He said that he doesn't believe that his son had an affair, and that I can't judge him based on circumstancial evidence. Keep in mind that my "circumstancial evidence" consists of love letters I found from the other woman, and the fact that she emailed me some very nasty emails regarding little personal things in my marriage that I did and did not do after my husband left me. Like how would the other woman know these things??
My in laws up to this day - 8 months later, refuse to accept that my stbx left me at the advice of the other woman. They absolutely refuse to believe it.
When I asked him, "Why else would he have left me?"
He answered in a sinister way, "So you mean to tell me that after 10 years of living together with him, you don't know why you're getting a divorce?"
??? ???
I told him no, actually I don't - I found the love letters, and then he left, and then I got served with divorce papers... And this is soo true. Not once did my husband sit down with me to tell me that he was unhappy. After I found the love letters, that's when he moved out - a week later. A week after that, he filed for divorce.
They do not believe any of my story, nothing at all.
Well, this closes the book for me alright! Now I know that I don't want to be a part of a biased family, who actually need to be in the same room with the son and the other woman having sex for the family to believe that their precious son actually had an affair.
The hell with my stbx, for lying and lying so well. >:(
Re: did something dumb tonight, but oh well... doodlesmore: ebl,
i am sorry....i can't help but laugh alittle though, you have to understand, my stbx's parents come from a very strict religion as well...no divorce...period..."unhappily ever after" is what they think should happen.
I think they love thier son so very much and they raised him to be a certain way, so with you telling them he is not the way they raised him....then in thier minds THEY have failed.....so instead of admitting they have failed they are going to INSIST that YOU have failed.
make sense?.....these religious types are like that...i got the same treatment over and over again during my marriage.....even before i married my stbx.
they would blame me for EVERYTHING he did.....all my fault...he could have went on a shooting rampage and murdered a hundred people....it would have been my fault....(sigh)....there is no talking to them...just leave them be...at least you can have some understanding as to how they feel.
but as far as trying to make them "see the light"...that will never happen.
stay strong hun....ignore the parental units!! hugss!
Re: did something dumb tonight, but oh well... tryingtosmile: ebl,
Hey, you did your best! You shared the truth with them and offered them an olive branch, but they didn't want to take it. That is not your fault but it is sad. It's not surprising though; I'm guessing most parents want to believe their own offspring are perfect and not capable of commiting something as awful as an affair. This is probably especially true if they are very religious. I'm sorry that they didn't even consider your side of the story. The truth is, they may always be in denial. I guess the one good outcome of all this is that is has shown you where they really stand and their "true colors". Surround yourself with true friends and family who not only believe you, but support you as well!
Re: did something dumb tonight, but oh well... ebl: thanks guys -
and I know that the two of you would understand this situation very well.
I did offer an olive branch, but my offers were met with anger and sinister behavior.
Oh well. They say that I'm 50% responsible for what happened, but I don't know if even that I want to take. My husband never sat down with me to tell me that he was unhappy, so how can I take even 50% responsibility? ???
Re: did something dumb tonight, but oh well... tryingtosmile: "Oh well. They say that I'm 50% responsible for what happened, but I don't know if even that I want to take. My husband never sat down with me to tell me that he was unhappy, so how can I take even 50% responsibility?"
Exactly! Sometimes it's really not 50-50. In my case, I'd say my husband was more like 100% to blame. He walked out with no reasons and no warning..saying he had to "find himself" and that "he was no longer the same person but he didn't know who he was or wanted to be". If only he would've communicated to me in some way, shape, or form..I would've been more than willing to listen and then try to help. Sometimes, it really isn't both people's faults...
I do agree that both people have faults within their relationship that they could work on, but if one decides they want out or that they have their own "issues" that have nothing to do with the marriage..what can you do? And how is it possibly your fault??
:)
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