Re: caught between the scilla and charybdis ebl: trying,
It's weird how we both have the same problems - my husband left me at the time when I also want to have children. I'm 35, so imagine, time's running out! :(
Re: caught between the scilla and charybdis newts: Hi Des,
Welcome to Ojar. Your story is quite remarkable and unfortunately we can't tell you what you should do and what you shouldn't do.
If this was me in the same situation, I would have to get out, the reason I say this is because for one if you had children together, there is a very strong possibilty that your wife's condition could get a lot worse, I would never want to bring a child into this world with somebody I couldn't trust or have faith in.
I believe that given your wife's recent diagnosis, that you should be there for her, however, it doesn't mean you have to be married to her, just means that you should be there for her when she needs you.
I wish I could give you decent, meaningful advice, however, this one is a truly tuff call.
Keep posting and I hope we can help you through your confusion.
Re: caught between the scilla and charybdis, prt.2 johnnzd: [quote author=des link=topic=38587.msg419638#msg419638 date=1165760752">
(cont. from previous post)
Having children are right up on the front burner for her now. I myself am 34 and desperate to start working on having children, I just don't know if I want to have them with her. But at this point, I'm not going to get much time to decide what I want (talk about your 'shit or get of the pot' moments). [/quote">
That is a very scary quote. Your situation seems too complicated to give any advice in regards to your staying or going. But PLEASE don't bring kids into this. How cruel would it be to bring children into something you call "hell" 50% of the time. You have the opportunity to leave, but kids don't.
Re: caught between the scilla and charybdis movinon: I agree with newts... I think that you need to do your best to be there for her through this, but I don't think that you necessarily need to stay married to her. Perhaps it is because of my own situation, but I really believe that there are points in your life where you need to stop thinking about everyone else and take care of yourself (except if you have kids -their needs have to come first). You have obviously had a really rough time, and this has really taken a toll on you. The fact is, you don't trust her and you probably never will and I don't think that any one can be happy in a marriage where they don't trust their spouse. It seems like the only reason that you are thinking about staying with her is out of guilt (you are obviously feeling very guilty about leaving her now that she has a very serious medical condition). And guilt is really not the right reason to stay.
As for having kids, I know that this may be an unpopular opinion, but I can't comprehend someone finding out that they have a terminal illness and deciding that they now needs to have kids... they are thinking about their own need to procreate rather than thinking about what that child needs. The child will probably have to go through the pain of loosing a parent at a young age and then grow up without them. I don't know, but it just seems selfish to me.
