i never thought memories could hurt this much.... fading17: hey everyone,
i just don't know what to do, where to go or who to talk to. i am feeling SO down this weekend. i've been crying since monday and the only person who i feel that helps me is my ex. we have been talking and hanging out a little bit more, but everything is the same. he still wants to date. he keeps telling me that we r going to get thru this and be together in the end, he just needs some time and space to figure things out on his own. but the memories are really overwhelming me right now....and our 4 yr anniversary would be on dec. 17. this time last year he flew home early from costa rica and surprised me on our 3 year. i don't know what to do. i'm just so incredibly sad. me and the ex made plans to hang out both nights this weekend but he always backs out. but calls me at the end of the night before bed to make sure im ok. he's working now and says he could picture coming home from work and having me there and how happy he would be.....but then he thinks about how he might go back to school to get his masters and if he lived on campus and if i was there he would be happy but would feel like he was missing out on stuff to experience. so he took that as a sign that he was not ready to be completely back with me yet. i don't know....i'm just so sad, he's bday is tomorrow and i got him a couple gifts so he's going to stop by after work to see me for a little...but i have finals next week so i won't be able to spend that much time with him. i really don't know what to do...i feel like i'm back at day 1...y won't the memories stop.....
Re: i never thought memories could hurt this much.... JNA: Sorry no one responded to you...
Hello fading...
I am sorry you are hurting as I know the hurt all too well
Some people you date keep Backups...
My ex did and ended up with one
If you question them though you will be seen as Jealous or Controlling...
There is a "real" fine line between that ok
As hard as it is we have to realise that some people are just not good for us because as much as we love them...
All they do is hurt us
There are so many things on your post I could touch on that shows this...
Your ex is no different than mine
In a manner they are Heartless...
All I read in your post is you thinking of him and him really thinking nothing of you
Sorry to be harsh but I "wasted" A Lot of time coming to terms with the person I "loved" was not that person at all...
You can find this out now...Or ten years from now
"fading wrote: "i really don't know what to do...i feel like i'm back at day 1...y won't the memories stop....."
It's called the Push/Pull aka Intermittent Reinforcement and drives lab rats crazy...
It will you too if you let it
I met someone one time that did this...
In time she broke me down like you would never believe
It changed my views on women and relationships...
I lost loads of friends over her by her Overt Abuse and ended up being the villian
I was there for her for anything she needed and when she decided she no longer "needed" me she destroyed me along with my emotional strength and everything else...
Hard to explain
It taught me not to Trust at all...
Don't let him do this to you like it was done to me ok
We sometimes fall in love with the Dream...When all these people do is provide us with False Hope for that Dream...
IMO
Tell him to make his decision up or move on...
That will provide you with your answer...
Anything else then he will just play more games with you
Sorry to be harsh but I hate seeing what happened to me happen to others...
Stay Strong
JNA
Re: i never thought memories could hurt this much.... fading17: thanks JNA,
everybody keeps telling me the same thing. i tried to tell him it was me and him 100% or not at all a few weeks ago...and he said he was sorry i felt that way and if thats what was best for me then i should do it. but he said as much as he cares about me and wants us to be back together, he doesnt think it would be wise until he sees what else is out there. he wants to get back together with me and be 500% sure..no doubts. im his first and only gf so he feels as though he has missed out on some experiences. it doesnt help that i am a part of the reason our 4 year relationship ended....
im sorry u had to go thru all of that....thanks for responding
Re: i never thought memories could hurt this much.... flipflopnomore: I just had to respond. I agree with JNA. I am in the same boat as you, but looking as an outsider on your relationship I can see what is happening. It's just easier said than done otherwise I would have been doing it.
My stbxh tells me that he needs time, space, whatever. He keeps me as that "backup" as well. I have played the game for over 5 months now. I am basically his booty call which makes me sick. Now that I am turning him down he is heading to the clubs/bars and drinking more than ever. I can't say its because I turn him down, but I am trying to overcome the fear that is what it is. He will not commit to anything. He will not make a decision formally on reconciliation although his actions say otherwise. I believe it goes back to that "backup" thing. He wants to keep me just in case his other life doesn't turn out like he wants.
It hurts like hell, but I am trying to move past it and away from him. His lifestyle he is leading now sickens me and is so hurtful. I hear about his every move unfortunately.
Don't be a backup. Keep your dignity. Don't let him rob you of that. Hang in there.
Re: i never thought memories could hurt this much.... fading17: thanks flipflop,
its a terrible place to be in. i just keep remembering walking outside last dec 17 and seeing him standing at his car with flowers....after not seeing him for 3 months when he was in costa rica. we were so happy then. i still love him so much and i am looking forward to seeing him so much tomorrow night on his bday...but at the same time i feel pathetic holding onto him when i know he doesnt want to be me right now....at least not how we were. its been 4 months since we broke up....i just really thought thigns would have gotten easier to handle...and i had thought me and him would have worked thru everything by this point....we're missing so many big events and special times in each others lives because of this mess that i supposedly caused. i dont know...thanks for being here for me guys...
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