OK, time for someone to hit me.... mav100: Well, the anger I felt earlier this week, as predicted, has subsided....
I ended up apologizing to her via email on Wednesday for our argument and my subsequent nasty message calling her a whore on her voicemail on Tuesday, and asked her to call so we could sort things out that still need to be taken care of. My email:
"Can you call me on my cell on your lunch break? We need to talk. My voice is still a little off but better that yesterday.
I’m sorry about the message last night. I was angry, and it was uncalled for.
We are done – we both know that. You have Brian, I’m kinda seeing Julie but nothings official on that front yet. Regardless, with all the finger-pointing, there isn’t any going back now. So I’d like to take a few minutes to sort things out, part amicably, and maybe sometime in the future we can be friends. No more finger pointing, no more he-said she-said, no more trying to hurt the other side. Let’s end the war. Agreed?"
Her response was textbook:
"there is no reason for talking, nothing to sort .....its understood by both
we are done..... sorry doesnt cut it on the nasty message you left me on my cell .... figured I'd keep that recorded if needed at a later time .....;no
"friend" does that to another..angry or not"
She did not respond right away, so I sent her this:
"OK, since you haven’t bothered to respond, I take it you have no intention of calling. That’s your choice. If you change your mind, I’d appreciate the call. Until I do hear from you, the issues that are left will have to go unresolved.
As far as my message last night, I know you didn’t “cheat” on me. I thought about it last night after the call. I lived with you, so there was no time for you to sleep with Brian up until I left to come to my mothers. However, with the suspicion there, obviously I have to wonder what would have gone on had I just stayed at my mothers the entire week and kept my head buried in the sand. I’ll never know. I’d like to believe you that it was all innocent however given the circumstances, I’m sure you can see from my point of view it’s a tough pill to swallow. The message I left was night was left because I was so angry yesterday, and that’s what I’ve been talking about. We BOTH are guilty of getting angry and saying some pretty nasty stuff to the other person lately. That stops right now.
It’s not like I don’t know that this has been hard on you too. You don’t just walk away from what we had and feel good about it, especially given the circumstances. I heard the frustration in your voice when we talked about what was going on and you flip-flopped back and forth on what you wanted. I saw you had printed some of the emails I sent you about my feelings when I was moving my stuff out. People don’t do that unless what was written touched them in some way. So yes, I know you had to make a choice. You chose Brian. It may have been the best choice considering everything that has happened.
I figured we could try to shed some of the hatred and walk away knowing that while we screwed things up during our relationship, at least we could do the right thing when it ended.
It’s clear at this point we weren’t working. I thought about leaving you, but I didn’t. Contrary to what you believe, I stayed because I wanted to be with you. That’s the same reason why when I first met Julie when I was out with Eric and she hit on me, I politely declined – I thought I was happy with you. In retrospect, it may have been the proper time to move on.
Though they aren’t ever going to go anywhere, admittedly there are still going to be feelings on both sides, both good and bad. We had a lot of good times, and a lot of bad times. Both of them will stick with us for a while. Sooner or later the bad ones will fade, and we’ll remember the good ones. At that point, a friendship wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Unfortunately right now we are both so angry with each other that’s all we see. It’s going to take a long time for that to fade for both of us.
Good luck to you with Brian. I really mean that. I hope you get what you are looking for out of life. Take good care of yourself Bubba."
Re: OK, time for someone to hit me.... mav100: She wrote back again with another brief response:
"I'm not ok to speak with you over the phone yet ....
don't really wanna converse with you after last nights message .... you
talk about me being cold ...."
To which I followed up with this:
"I understand. Hell, I sent you an email yesterday telling you I was angry and I'd call you when I had cooled off. It was pretty moronic of me to pick up the phone last night knowing how mad I was, but then again, I am on a dart team called the "Chicken Fockers", so we know I must be pretty dumb. I didn't mean to be cold. It just kind of came out, and I am truly sorry. I believe what you said Janay, and while having Brian over wasn't the brightest of ideas, I should have used my head before jumping to conclusions. I've always used my heart when thinking about you, and seeing him in the car with you that night broke it, so I haven't been thinking right since. You have to keep in mind though that sometimes some of the things you've said or done to me have been pretty cold in my eyes too. You may not always view them that way, but I do have my own point of view, and its not always the same as yours.
However, hindsight is 20/20.
Let's just let some of the nasty feelings cool down for a while before we speak again. The next time I talk to you, I don't want to be in a pissing contest. I kinda miss laughing with you over things. You always had a funny outlook on stuff. I really mean what I said. Someday, when ALL of the anger is gone on both sides, and any residual feelings of love we have for each other are down to a dull roar, I'd like to become friends. You were my best friend for a long time, and that's what I miss the most.
Cool down, I'll cool down, and lets part ways without wanting to kill each other. Call me when you are ready to talk, OK?
If I don't talk to you beforehand, have a good Christmas, and I hope you have a great time in SC. Make sure to hug the dogs for me too. I miss those little furballs."
That ends the chain. We have not spoken since.
What is my problem? One minute I'm mad because she cheated, and the next I'm telling her she didn't cheat. While she may not have slept with him, just contacting the guy, at least to me, pretty much shows intent. She may not have decided what she wanted until I caught her and forced her to make a choice, but she was still in the wrong.
Why is it that I have such a hard time seeing that *I* was wronged here? Why does my effen heart still want her, when my head knows she screwed up and I'd have a hard time trusting her ever again? If she ever *does* make the "I screwed up" phone call to me, I know I couldn't just take her back, and I'd have to think about it. So why can't I get her out of my head???
Re: OK, time for someone to hit me.... tripny2k6: You are just like me man. WE appologize for shit that is actually caused by them. We both need hit.
Re: OK, time for someone to hit me.... Mr. Incognito: Welcome to the party. I know how you feel and I sympathise. I dont know exactly what to tell you just shake your head throw your hands up and sigh. I keep thinking of the Mantra...
"Dont take life so seriously after its not like its permanet." But then again I am probably not the best guy to listen to right now.
Re: OK, time for someone to hit me.... mav100: [quote author=tripny2k6 link=topic=38599.msg419716#msg419716 date=1165774556">
You are just like me man. WE appologize for shit that is actually caused by them. We both need hit.
[/quote">
I'm tired of doing it, I KNOW she screwed up, and I'm pretty sure the "Oh my God, I screwed up and I miss you" phone call will be coming once she starts to see her ex for who he really is and the honeymoon is over (soon I'm sure since they spend 24/7 together), and she realizes that I was pretty good to her.
I don't even know what *I* want at this point. I want what we had before this all started, but I dunno with everything that has happened if we could ever have that again.
Do I miss her? Yes. Do I love her? Yes. Will it be enough to overcome what's been done if/when she comes sniffing around? I don't know.
Back to NC with her and trying to sort out what *I* want. That's all I can do.
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