divorced 2 years but can't move on... jennaD: I've just turned 30, my ex and I met when I was 18. I've been officially divorced for just over 2 years. He was everything to me for 9 years. For the last year of our marriage (4 years total) I was MISERABLE! I worked 5 - 12 hour shifts a week as an L&D nurse (which is heart and back breaking) and we were remodeling our house. Now, when I say remodel, you might think a new closet here, new fixtures there...NO, it was a construction site from exposed floor and wall joists, no drywall anywhere, only source of running water was the bathtub. For 8 months I washed my hair, brushed my teeth and did the dishes in the bathtub. At the end I was so DONE I just wanted a new life. We damaged our trust by experimenting sexually with others (swinging) and he was very critical of me. We went to counseling about once a week for that last year, but at the end there seemed no other choice than for me to leave. I wanted to be loved and accepted, even though I didn't always live up to his expectations of what a wife should be. He seemed always disappointed in me, and I wanted approval. I wanted to be appreciated and to be admired. Anyway, this could be a lot longer, but basically my main issue now is that I feel we didn't try hard enough to keep it together. I got a new job and moved out in the same week. I completely changed my life, and then gave my singlehood all the credit for my happiness. I truly believe you get what you give, and I don't think we gave it all we could have. So now I've lost my best friend, and I can't quit thinking about him. I felt a connection with him that I KNOW is rare and precious. He and I didn't know what we had because we were so young. I talked with him for the first time in a year a few weeks ago, and we talked about meeting up with each other. When we talked I felt completely connected to him again in ways I've NEVER felt with anyone else and all I wanted was to see him again. I TOTALLY screwed it up because I was AFRAID. I told him I wanted to see him again because I had a boyfriend who was in love with me and I needed to move on. I even told him I wanted him to remind me of all the reasons we broke up in the first place. As I type this, I can't believe I did this. All I want is to talk to him and explain, and he won't talk to me, even though I do believe he still loves me. One of my girlfriends told me to fly up and surprise him. I did have a boyfriend, but he is now out of the picture, he's a great guy, but I just can't forget my ex. I am trying to make peace with my marriage being over, and at the same time can't let go! Should I fight for my ex, get happy being single or what? I can't believe how neurotic this post sounds, I'm professional, well-balanced, healthy and smart. I've realized in typing this, that I need some help!
Re: divorced 2 years but can't move on... johnnzd: Don't fly up.
This is something you will want to take slowly. I can't see how that could go well at all. Work on becoming friends first since it sounds like there really hasn't been any significant contact in the last couple of years. Personally if my ex flew up to see me without my knowledge, even if I still loved her & she was the one who broke it off, I would feel a certain amount of pressure & overwhelm.
