Re: Do you think that you will ever be "in love" again? Is it possible? justchar: I had this really vivid dream last night that I was falling for this guy. You remember that falling in love feeling...I do now. I woke up and tried so hard to go back to sleep b/c I was so happy in my dream. It's been so long I'd forgotten how it felt. Before that dream, I could care less, but now...I really want to be in love again.
Re: Do you think that you will ever be "in love" again? Is it possible? destinydriven: That is a very good question. I have been trying to let go of mine for a while and clearly whatever I have done is not working.
Re: Do you think that you will ever be "in love" again? Is it possible? 2be: Of course! But only if you allow yourself.
I can say I am in love again with a wonderful woman. It is the same love I felt for my Xwife, but it is also deeper. I have a stronger connection with this woman, mainly because in my "off time" I really reflected on what I wanted in a partner. And not soon after, she fell into my life and I can honestly say that we are compatible on nearly ALL of my "must haves" but on the same token, we have individual lives and interests, too. And most wonderful of all is that we can actually COMMUNICATE in a level and healthy way. We got into our first "fight" (after 4 months of us being together) the other night and it was resolved in minutes because we both took a few moments to ourselves, then came back to talk about it.
How did I get over the bitterness and depression? Well, my depression was BECAUSE of my relationship so once out of it, I was instantly on the road to recovery. I'm not saying it was all peaches the day I moved out, but the atmosphere (though incredibly painful) was still better than being browbeat and pushed down.
I think the biggest hurdle to overcome... before you can move on, is to accept your role in the demise of the relationship and forgive yourself. While there are a few instances where the breakup is caused by one of the partners, mostly both partners contributed to it. So reflect on your mistakes (no one is perfect!) and learn from them WHILE you forgive yourself.
Some people with disagree with me here and that is fine, but I firmly believe that you MUST forgive your partner before you can move on. I'm not saying that by forgiving you justify any of their actions. Forgiveness of them is for YOU, really. It is letting go of that hurt and betrayal. You don't even need them there. But you need to imagine saying it to their face. Or even write them a REAL letter (not an email or phone text ::)) and then burn it. "You hurt me deeply and I don't understand who you are anymore. You're a moron for doing the things you did, but I forgive you..."
The point is... healing doesn't just happen magically. You have to help yourself and sometimes it's as much as just telling yourself to move beyond it. I had a problem of staying mired in my own negative thoughts... but with some cognative behaviour therapy I was able to change the train of my thoughts.
Hope this helps... feel free to PM me if you want some of the simple behaviour therapy stuff my therapist helped me with...
Re: Do you think that you will ever be "in love" again? Is it possible? JimB: Two pieces of advice for those concerned about their ability to fall in love again:
1. Be patient
2. Don't worry
We all want love in our lives one way or another, but we're not always in a place where we can have it. There are things you can do to work towards getting to that place, but those things tend to be different from person to person - there is no "magic bullet". Definitely don't just wait around for something to drop out of the sky, but at the same time, find your own path.
And allow time for it to happen. If you spend the time between loves fruitfully, doing whatever you can to make yourself ready, then you'll have no regrets when it does come along. But one mistake I made when I was recovering was simply wanting my recovery to be over with as soon as possible. The healing process is a trial, but the focus shouldn't be to complete it as quickly as possible - there are rewards to be found within the process itself. Our immediate gratification mentality wants us to find love again right away, but it very seldom works that way.
One other thought - don't be afraid of the idea that your future experience of love could be completely different than your past experiences. My current experience of love is similar in some ways to that I had with my ex, but the big picture is vastly different. It's still love, but under different circumstances, and with a different set of life experiences behind it. And it's just as great. :)
Do you think that you will ever be "in love" again? Is it possible? destinydriven: This question has been on my mind lately. The first time my ex and I went somewhere together, he put his arm around my shoulders. I knew at that moment that I was completely his! I still remember that feeling, and I can't even describe it.
Anyway, I was just thinking that I will probably never feel that with anyone else. Now that I am carrying around all the baggage and bitterness that comes along with loving someone who tossed me aside without looking back, and being so deeply dissappointed by someone who I completely loved, trusted, and was committed to. I can't even listen to songs like "Spend My Life With You" or "Endless Love". I can't imagine ever being truly "in love" again.
Do you guys think that it is possible?
