Re: My Story Fendann: [quote author=kindred link=topic=39011.msg425554#msg425554 date=1166565150">
I can't for the life of me understand how the two people having the affair go on to lead happy lives as if they're not hurting anyone. It's amazing to me.
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Life happy in the knowledge that karma will come into play....
You can't change a leopard's spots. Once a cheater, always a cheater....it will happen again, you can count on it.
Re: My Story ebl: kindred,
My heart goes out to you as I completely understand the pain you are going through.
In short, after a 10 year marriage, my husband walked out on me surprisingly after I found love letters from his co-worker. He moved out, and a week after my finding the love letters, I got served with divorce papers.
It was heart wrenching. On top of this, my husband's girlfriend tried to get the police to put a restraining order on me - just because her friend saw me shopping near where they work. My husband took his girlfriend's side and went to his lawyer, and she told me off. It hurt very much - extremely depressing that was.
Anyway, I know that it's unfair and that you are hurting - and boy does it hurt. Eight months later, I'm still very much in pain, but it does get a lot better, believe me.
If you need to PM or email, let me know, as I understand the pain is miserable.
Re: My Story abandoned1: Kindred, I'm sorry for your pain. Your ex has been unbelievably cruel to you. Your story sounds a little like mine in some ways. The part that hit home for me was the part regarding the police and attempt to serve a restraining order on you. My wife and the other guy (a co-worker too) actually sent me a letter after I confronted/busted them in public as they were walking holding hands. Thankfully I didn't get physical, or make any threats, so they couldn't put a restraining order on me - but they did send a threatening email to me - and it was actually signed by my wife's boyfriend - how f*cked up is that?! So yeah, I can feel your pain regarding them standing together against you, and making legal threats.
I really am sorry you had to go through that - but in the end it'll make you stronger - as it has me. If - goodness forbid, in another relationship you have to go through something similar, you will handle it much better.
My wife is still living with her co-worker (yeah she moved in with him) months later, and it doesn't bother me much anymore. They deserve each other - really. I can't wait for it to fall apart - and it will, because they both lack honor, integrity, and good character. As for the pain - it'll go away eventually. Time, time, time is the key. For me 8 months out seems to have been the time I, personally, needed. I was with my wife for 2 years, just like you and your ex. That's not to say that it'll be that long for you - it may be shorter, or it may be longer - that depends on you.
In your instance, work will be good for you I think. Assuming a full-time, 8 hours a day job - that's 8 hours of distraction from the pain of losing your ex, the way you did (although, judging by his character - it's not really a loss, you will see that in time). It's also an opportunity for a social outlet. To meet new people, who may in turn introduce you to more people, so on and so forth. Right now you need to start planning on taking care of yourself. Your health, etc.... If you are like the rest of us - you won't be able to eat or sleep for a long time - unless you choose to get medicated. Anyway... try to force yourself to eat a bit, and try as hard as you can to get sufficient sleep. You will need the strength to push forward. Also, take advantage of any social opportunities - family and friends can be a huge help. I talked my family and friends to death - really! Talking and purging helped me a lot. I'd talk to anyone who'd listen. That's not to say you won't need any alone time too - but sometimes being alone too much is not good. Just make it a point to get out and participate in life someway. I started taking long walks, going to the gym/healthclub, hanging out at the local coffeeshop, going to movies, etc.... and it helped me tremendously.
Finally, don't like me, obsess too much over what they are doing, and how they are living - because as I learned the hard way, you cannot control what they are doing, you can only control what you do.
Honestly, considering their actions and behaviors, they're gonna create their own problems between the two of them, once the "honeymoon/magical" period of their affair wears off. Once they have to deal with real world, everyday issues/problems, reality will smack them. Your ex's issues that caused him to stray and start an affair, will surface again, and he'll wind up replacing her too. This doesn't always happen, and unfortunatly they may work out - but the odds are definately against them.
Best of luck to you Kindred! And post whenever you like. We are here to support you, as we've been there.
