Re: He disappeared into thin air... ebl: do you sometimes get the impression that the longer he doesn't communicate the less he'll ever come back?
Re: He disappeared into thin air... tryingtosmile: ebl-
Yeah, I do feel that way...although when he left he didn't exactly give me the impression that it was "temporary" but rather permanent. So I didn't have much hope to begin with. I would say the chances of him coming back are slim to none. There is always that tiny part of me that thinks "once he hits rock bottom, he will want to come back". I get the feeling that even if he wanted to though, he wouldn't. He's pretty full of pride and I can't picture him ever allowing himself to be vulnerable and want to try again. He knows how much he hurt me, he does feel guilty...but he made it clear that he doesn't think we should talk until I want his "friendship". That basically told me that he doesn't want to think about or deal with the fact that I am hurting. He can't handle it. So it's better for him to just have no contact. The real question is..if he did come back would I really want to try again? I don't know. I love him but anyone that could walk so easily the first time could certainly walk again. I couldn't go through this again. You know what I mean? It's a commitment issue.
Re: He disappeared into thin air... ebl: Yes, I understand about the committment issue. But just by coming back, he'll show that he really wants to commit. Think about it - I don't think that either one of our spouses would want to go through the trouble of having to explain themselves to us and confront their own guilt just to walk out again. I don't know, it wouldn't make any sense...
My husband bad mouthed me to his entire family so that they can accept and finance the divorce. He didn't admit that he had an affair to them, and they believe him. So for him to come back, he's going to have to jump through some hoops, not only for me, but for his family and his friends - whoever those people might be.
Did you ever find out what excuse he gave his family?
I really don't understand that type of human psychology! I cannot understand it for the life of me... how can they just pick up and leave, and not say one word- after years of living together :'( :'(
Re: He disappeared into thin air... tryingtosmile: ebl-
I don't think his family knows much more than I do. He has basically cut off communication with most of them; and the ones that he does talk to don't seem to be able to get many answers out of him. I do know that he told his grandma that he just wanted me to be happy for the rest of my life and that he wasn't the person that could do that. What gets me about that is that I was happy! He never made me miserable. I think he felt that he couldn't be the person that I thought he has or that he tried to be. Still trying to figure that one out...Sorry that your husband is trying to rally his family against you- that is unfair. I am lucky in that his family all supports me and they don't understand why he left either. He isn't bad mouthing me at all- he admits that his leaving had nothing to do with me or us. But again, I'm left with only questions and no answers :-\ Maybe in time I will learn more, but for now..only silence.
Re: He disappeared into thin air... ebl: your case is very strange as well. What would happen if you tried to contact him - lets say by getting his number from his grandma.
If I were in your shoes, I would contact him. I'd tell him that I love him and that he's the one who would make me happiest. But I don't know if you have nerves of steel to put up with a possible upcoming rejection... :-[
Do you think/suspect that there is someone else? Your case sounds so strange. How are you coping in a foreign country? Any chance for you to come back home?
