yesterday's newspaper lilbrokenheart: here the quick version of my story (lost internet connection after i finished, so sorry if this ends up being a repeat).
In short, my soon-to-be ex-husband were together for 6 and 1/2 years and married for 3 and 1/2. We agreed to separate for 6 months, and the 6 months ended yesterday. I filed for legal separation 3 months ago once he and his mom said that he would not pay his share of the rent anymore for the apartment that he left -- I couldn't afford to pay the full rent and didn't think I should have to anyways. He responded by having his father serve me with divorce papers.
For a little background: We were soulmates but got a little lost along the way. I asked my husband to come back home 2 days after we separated -- I never thought we'd really separate for 6 months, just that he needed a couple days to cool down. When I realized that it was serious I fell apart -- I couldn't sleep, study, work, or eat and I cried constantly like a pathetic little girl. I lost 20 pounds in 2 months -- I think it was all the tears I cried! I told him I couldn't go on living like that and we either needed to work on it or get a divorce because I would die before 6 months were up (I had become so depressed that I was suicidal). He said divorce was fine and he'd pay for it so I got the paperwork ready and when I went to pick up the check he said that he thought our souls would find eachother at the end of 6 months. A couple months later he and his mom said no more rent, so that's when I changed the paperwork to file for legal separation and that's when things started getting worse.
When he responded with a divorce, he knew I was hoping to take the bar exam before my mom's health got worse. (At that time he knew my mom might need chemo for her brain tumor, that her Parkinson's Disease was getting worse, that she was getting an ulcer, and may need another surgery, and the list goes on.) What made me feel even more betrayed, besides the fact that he couldn't even wait till the 6 months were up or even try counseling, was I had dropped out of law school for a semester to take care of his mom when she was sick -- I even massaged her feet every night that I was there! Also, he knew that if I didn't pass then I'd lose eligibility to have $130,000+ of my law school loans repaid. So now I'm completely emotionally, physically, and financially f****d.
Although I still want to make it work with my heartless soulmate, I told him that I just need some answers as to why he wants to divorce at this time -- even before the 6 months were up. Or why he couldn't wait till after the bar exam. Or why he couldn't stand by me when it is my mom who isn't well. He kept postponing our talk for months, alternating between saying 2 more weeks because he was sick and then saying he doesn't owe me any explanation. I actually believed he was postponing because he was sick and I got so worried that he was sick for so long that I made a doctor's appointment for him. Now his excuse for not communicating is that he received legal advice not to contact me because I used legal terminology in my text messages to him. When I found my mom crawling on the floor because she couldn't walk, I text messaged him telling him about her condition, and I added that I was on my hands and knees also, begging for him to help at least for a little while, while she was sick and that in return I'd waive spousal support and community property. Or at least give me an explanation for the divorce so I could try to pull myself together and be there for my mom.
Of course he never responded and then I told him that his silence given the circumstances was like intentional infliction of emotional distress.
Do any of you non-lawyers think that my use of these terms would give rise to a legit concern of communicating? Although intentional infliction of emotional distress is a legal term, I think it's the best description. When I told him his silence is torture he said it's not, so I was trying to use other words.
Sorry to ramble. I hope that all of you can find something good from my and your own situations. Stay strong -- and if you can't, fake it till you can! :)
Re: yesterday's newspaper ebl: I don't think that your husband was afraid of your legal terminology - I think that his lawyer was.
I strongly believe that your husband is trying to assuage his guilty conscience and he just doesn't have any words to tell you about his actions. My stbx husband is also giving me the silent treatment. After a 10 year marriage, I guess he was also advised not to talk to me. We haven't spoken for 8 months. Maybe this is just common.
Dont look too much into your legal terminology. If your husband really wanted to talk to you, believe me, he would.
Re: yesterday's newspaper abandoned1: Hmmm, first and foremost he sounds immature to me. Secondly, it seems to me from what you've written that a.) he has no conscious and/or b.) his parents are controlling the situation.
He's an adult, and this is yours and his marriage/divorce - his parents have no business being involved in the actual process - IMO. Their responsibility to their son is emotional support - but as an adult (supposedly) who entered into the marriage, said his vows, and accepted the responsibility, he should handle his own business -along with his attorney, and leave the parents out.
What surprises and saddens me is that they (the parents?) seem to want to destroy you. I don't understand that - considering your loyalty to the mom and your husband. Strange and totally uncool. As to the legal terminology...
...It doesn't excuse his unwillingness to give you an explanation you deserve. You are his WIFE. He DOES owe you an explanation out of courtesy and respect for you. If he won't talk to you, then he for whatever reason has no respect for you - or he's a coward, and can't accept his failure in the marriage (both parties have some fault in a failing/failed marriage). And I don't know how much his parents have to do with this. I wonder if they've always been this controlling of him - Do you have any insight for us on this? If he has concerns about the terminology, and he's intelligent enough, his attorney can advise him as to what he can and cannot say, which would allow him to give you some insight. I don't know - but it seems as if they are playing games, so I'd have to say limit anything you put in writing (email for example), and don't leave any voicemail message that may damn you (legally) either. Talk to him live - and even then you have to be careful that you aren't being recorded. Sorry if this seems like paranoia - but they've given reason for concern - IMO.
Best of luck to you! And please keep posting so we can help you through this - Okay :)
Re: yesterday's newspaper sobroken: My partner has never ever given me a valid reason why he wanted to leave. He would only speak to me through text or e-mails other than that there's is no communication whatsoever. That is the worst part. At least if they came and told us the reason we could try and move on but it is so disrespectful to think that after everything we don't even deserve an explanation.
Do you think he is seeing someone else?
Re: yesterday's newspaper johnnzd: [quote author=lilbrokenheart link=topic=39021.msg425403#msg425403 date=1166559357">
He responded by having his father serve me with divorce papers.
A couple months later he and his mom said no more rent, so that's when I changed the paperwork to file for legal separation and that's when things started getting worse.
[/quote">
Sorry you situation is so dire.
Sounds like you married a boy..... not a man.
Very self absorbed & easily manipulated.
How much of your pain is the loss of your "soulmate" versus just being overwhelmed with facing all the hurdles you have been faced with over the year? Any male who wouldn't come to the aid of the woman he loved for years in such a hard time .....well that's just heartbreaking. If my ex called asking for help because she was faced with issues like yourself, I would bend over backwards to help. Not out of love, but out of compassion.
Start living your life because his backbone isn't strong enough for you to ever lean on.
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