Re: yesterday's newspaper lilbrokenheart: Thanks all for your replies. It's been very helpful.
I have no insight about the in laws because I've been completely blindsided. I thought we had a great relationship for 6 1/2 years. I went to their house a couple months after the separation began to drop off some Dr. Phil CDs (Self Matters) for my stbx since he said he needed time to work on himself (I now think it was his excuse to bail without saying the D word... yet) and they both cried when I picked up some stuff I'd left when I stayed with them while my mother in law was sick. Then a month later without warning they did a 180 and she was distant and mean, telling me that my x shouldn't have to pay my rent and if I can't afford the place on my own I should move. I don't get it and she won't give me any real answers as to the change of heart. I emailed her telling I felt shocked and betrayed and asked why they did it, especially without even talking to me about it and all of her responses seem filled with hate and sarcasm. She seemed to place the blame on me for filing for legal separation (even though he wanted the separation). I am still in shock about their role in this -- I would have been less surprised if I had been served papers personally by the President!
His good friend told my sister that he's had a girlfriend since 3 weeks after we separated, but that he never cheated on me. The friend said that my stbx felt guilty about it, and the friend said he didn't think it was fair to keep me in the dark so that's why he told my sis. Ever since then I've been with Charles Shaw...the wine, not the man! :) (I know, I know not a good idea to turn to the bottle...)
I asked (texted) the x asking if he was with someone else and he told me he doesn't need to answer since we are not together, but that he has friends he goes out with but no girlfriend. I'm still surprised that he responded to that text -- and did so just 2 hours later. Don't know what to make of it. I wonder if he won't admit it because he thinks I'll kill myself if I find out?
Although he has regressed to acting like a 21 year old, the one I married was a loving and supportive man. He is not the same person I was with for almost 7 years. I think he is being manipulated but I think his parents are too, but by who and why? I keep wondering if he had an affair and she is pregnant and now they are forced to close the door to our marriage.
The most logical explanation this athiest can come up with is that the x and his family have been possessed by the devil!
As for mourning the loss of my "soulmate" versus being overwhelmed by my other hurdles, I really think it is the former. I've been through a lot and have always been resilient. My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson's and the brain tumor while we were married and although I was devastated I never doubted that we'd get through it and we could help make the rest of her life as enjoyable as possible with my rock, my husband by my side.
I'd like to share something I did that kind of helps me once in a while. It's an adaption of an assignment from a Women's Health class: get a paper and fold it in half (whatever way). on the front, write "I am a woman (or man) giving birth to myself" and on the insides make a collage about what you want for yourself. I filled mine with motivational words from Self and Oprah magazines (mostly from the ads)-- such as "self sufficient", "live", "I don't need your attention", "this is my time", "with or without you." include a picture of yourself when you are happy and confident (cut out the x if necessary). i really like the kenneth cole ad for watches -- something like if he has let you down time after time, forget the past not the present. of course that's easier said than done, but if we have this visual reminder it may help.
Re: yesterday's newspaper 2be: Sounds like he spewed some sort of lies to his parents aobut you, placing the blame on you. It is too bad but don't let it bring you down any further. Chin up, and make every day as positive as you can, even if it is finding happiness in the tiniest thing!
