Re: Do I accept Xmas gifts from stbxh? yella: [quote author=flipflopnomore link=topic=39054.msg425870#msg425870 date=1166630185">
I am weak and need to not let him destroy my progress.
[/quote">
You're NOT weak. Don't say that.
If you're not comfortable accepting a gift to you from him, say so. Let him give gifts for the kids though. ;)
If you don't want to see him, ask if he can just drop them off when you're not around, or have someone meet him for you.
Re: Do I accept Xmas gifts from stbxh? flipflopnomore: Thanks for the replies. I turn to you all so much.
I just sent him a text back:
--I will get the gifts for the kids from you, thank you. But with the way things are going now for us it would be too painful to accept a gift from you. Hope you understand.
He does want to stay in my kids lives, but I hope its for the right reasons. He tends to pump them for information. Its sort of a catch 22 though. He has hurt them so much thru all of this as well and I want them to heal. Everytime he makes contact it opens up wounds for them as well.
Re: Do I accept Xmas gifts from stbxh? yella: There's only one thing I'd change in your communication with him... don't admit to pain. He doesn't need to know that. ;)
You're strong, and that's what he should see here. ;)
As for the kids... if he wants to stay in their lives, try to set up some kind of routine visit if you can. If you feel he can't live up to a set routine, and you think he'll bail on a visit, don't tell the kids the plan on him seeing them. Let the visit be a surprise each time. That helps to avoid broken hearts a little bit.
Re: Do I accept Xmas gifts from stbxh? allilm: My stbx and I are very amicable, talk regularly (about our daughter) and expressed that he wanted to get me a Christmas gift this year. He even said that his parents still wanted to get me a Christmas gift (it's safe to say they like me more than they like him, at least often this is true). I kept telling him it wasn't really appropriate and suggested his parents spend the money on our daughter. I can kinda understand why his parents would want to buy me a gift, because I've been a part of their lives for over ten years and am the mother of their only granddaughter (they have a grandson though), and nothing they did caused our break-up, but why in the world would he want to get me something. Just seems odd. This may sound sarcastic, but I seriously wonder if it's related to his bi-polar condition. All I know is that my daughter is going to have a great Christmas this year and I can't wait to see her eyes on Christmas morning.
Re: Do I accept Xmas gifts from stbxh? flipflopnomore: I wonder about the motives as well.
To me, its a slap in the face. Its saying "I left you, I can't decide what I want, but until I do I want you to stay right were you are and we can get together once a week for a booty call. I have treated you like crap and have lied over and over to you but here is a xmas gift for you"
I don't get it. Is it guilt? Is one gift going to make up for all of the hurt he has caused? Is that supposed to make me feel better? It doesn't. It makes me feel stupid. Everywhere I go now I hear that my stbxh has been talking at least with this woman since August while I was hoping and praying my marriage would work out.
I don't plan on getting him anything. No way. I love him, but he makes me sick.
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