Scared of being responsible? photo_betty: [color=maroon"> My story is a long and complicated one, like most things in life, but the bottom line is that I've been cheated on, lied to and totally disrespected by my ex. (and I know that sounds like a country song!) The problem I'm having is in completely cutting it off with him, finally making that break and moving on with my life. I talked to my older brother about it the other night and he said something quite interesting - he said he thinks I am not breaking free from the situation because I am afraid of taking that kind of control because by staying stuck in ambivalence I can blame the ex. and the situation for my unhappiness but if I shut the door completely and then find myself unhappy I have only myself to blame.
I think it sure is an interesting comment... Anyone have any similar feelings or thoughts on the idea??
Re: Scared of being responsible? Cherry: Taking charge of your future is a scary thing. It was downright terrifying with me sick and prego with my daughter while trying to work and care for a toddler son as well.
While I was wandering around in the beginning of it it was so much easier to blame my ex. But I decided I wasn't going to let him ruin mine or their futures and dug in.
It is a normal place to be, but you do at some point have to face it. And it is so much harder when you have that betrayal to work thru. You have to psych yourself up that much harder.
Re: Scared of being responsible? JNA: PB wrote: " he said he thinks I am not breaking free from the situation because I am afraid of taking that kind of control because by staying stuck in ambivalence I can blame the ex. and the situation for my unhappiness but if I shut the door completely and then find myself unhappy I have only myself to blame."
What other people think does not matter...
What you do does
I once had a friend tell me Change or Die...Whether that is emotional dying or physically dying you have to change...
Every decision we make we have to live with yes
But isn't a decision for the "positive" better then living in the "negative"...
The Purgatory where we know we are not happy but don't know what to do about it
That is where you are at my dear and I have been there...
In time I learned to make "me" happy as Life Is Way To Short ;)
Whatever you have to do to make you happy Do It...
Stay Strong
JNA
PB wrote: "and the situation for my unhappiness but if I shut the door completely and then find myself unhappy I have only myself to blame."
Are they close...Do they hang around together...
Re: Scared of being responsible? Cheri123: Yes...I absolutely know the feeling. I had never been alone before. I went right from living with my parents to being married to my highschool sweetheart. After ten years of abuse in every way...I finally got the nerve to get up and go. I kept telling myself I had nothing to be afraid of. I had a good job, a supportive family...but I was still scared to death of being a single parent and running a household on my own. My ex had played mind games with me, and left me with low self esteem, until I felt like I would literally die without him. The first time I got a place of own...he called me and almost as if he were reading my mind he said. "I know you're feeling lonely. But don't let all the negative things that happened in our marriage ruin our relationship...for the kid's sake we can try to make this thing work." And like someone being hypnotized...I let him right back in my life. Let him move in with me and everything. And then the cheating and lying started all over again. I finally told myself that enough is enough. Like my grand mother said "Sweetie, when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you gonna realize that you love yourself more than you love a person who doesn't know how to love you." I finally kicked him out and I'm free. I'm responsible for myself. Sometimes it gets lonely and tough, but I'm glad that I realize that it is finally over. I don't wonder anymore whether or not I'm doing the right thing...You can't stay in a marriage and be with a person who doesn't know how to respect and love you. Once you realize that...you'll learn to be responsible even if its a scary thing to do.
Re: Scared of being responsible? photo_betty: [color=maroon"> Thanks so much, everyone, for your kind words of encouragement. I am still struggling to find my own way to deal... healthily... I seem stuck in this place where I think I *know* what I want and what I need to do, but I'm dragging my feet on taking action... At least I'm doing a lot of good thinking and I'm self-aware enough to have come to the conclusions I have, I suppose...
Cheri123, I cannot thank you enough for this quote from your grandmother, it is *priceless* in it's truth.
[quote author=Cheri123 link=topic=39074.msg429286#msg429286 date=1167278353">
Like my grand mother said "Sweetie, when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you gonna realize that you love yourself more than you love a person who doesn't know how to love you."[/quote">
[color=maroon"> I hope I can find the strength you all have