Please read. I have no place else to go. SadEyez: Quick rundown on my story. Got married Feb. 15 2005 at age 21 to the love of my life ( i beleived). He left me the day after I lost my job 6 days short of our 8 month anniversary. I put up with everything. Him not coming home verbal, moderate physical abuse, him not paying the rent after I gave him the money & women calling the house. He even cut off the house phone so I couldn't call anyone to let them know what happened. He'd quit every job, have other women's phone numbers. He would call me with other women on the line & laugh at me. When I lost my contracting position with the government we lived off my unemployment check. He said he didn't "need " me anymore. He said I ruined his life. He skipped out on 5 months of rent. He said he would help- never did, never tried bringing me food either. I told him I couldnt hold the place by myself he said "its not my problem". Christmas Eve of that year the hospital's mental floor wanted to admit me because my blood pressure was so high they said I could have a stroke or a heart attack. ( it was 191 over like 71) I'm 5 '9 -1/2 130 lbs.
In Feb. 2006, our 1-yr anniversary was here & our lease was up, however, our apartment complex automatically rolled us over to month-to-month payments meaning my husband was still on the lease. My dad & I kept trying to contact him, he hung up on me without hearing me out when I begged him to take his name off the lease-- he refused. After that, I couldnt take it anymore, I changed my phone number. I felt like he was torturing me. My dad asked him to call on our anniversary to at least apologize to me - he refused. He said he didn't love me, I'm not his wife and he had already filed for a divorce.
That following April 2006, I was raped by someone I knew who said just think of it as "helping" me through my divorce. I went to a Sexual Assult Center but never reported it to the police. I felt like I couldnt handle all of this. I never missed him so much as I did that night. I didn't realize it but I had become promiscuous out of loneliness and I felt like I had no feeling, unattractive and alone-- I often contemplate suicide. I couldn't sleep with the lights off. In my mind, I wanted my husband to protect me.
June 2006-- I had to sell our wedding rings just to pay rent. I had lost 38lbs. and dropped down to a weight of 108.
Fast forward to now-- I lost majority of my hair but have begun putting a few pounds back on. I can't afford to eat, cannot afford the rent ( I always have to borrow.) I have enrolled in school full time/ work full time-- i'm really trying to be someone again. I go into the rental office to pay my rent yesterday & standing there is my husband WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND trying to remove his name off the lease without my knowledge, which would cause me to loose my place due to the poor credit I have as a result of him leaving me & not paying the rent when he did live there. He demanded I remove his name immediately and called me an A-hole and and the "B word".
I feel so low, this is too much for me. I'm 23, I have struggled so hard, I feel like life I don't care to live anymore at times. I feel so dirty how could he not be sorry-- or at least why is he so cruel. I feel like I married the devil.
If u read all this thank u. I'd really appreciate some advice. I know it was very long.
Re: Please read. I have no place else to go. Cherry: Hun, hang in there. I wish I could post something longer. Our computer guy is shutting the work computers down. I will be back I promise. Know someone is thinking of you. Feel free to pm me anytime. I am so sorry you have to go thru this. ((hugs))
Re: Please read. I have no place else to go. chaotic: Some people can be real a-holes. I am sorry you are having to go thru this.
If you two are still married, you have rights. I know money is tight and its tough to do something like this, when you are barely able to make ends meet, but you may need to get a lawyer involved.
He can not just walk out on the bills. His name is on the lease, and as long as you are still married, you should keep it that way or if you can, find a cheaper place to live. Any damage his actions cause to your credit will be reflected on his as well. You need to fight him on his actions.
On the plus side to all of this, a bad person is now on his way out of your life. You are so young and have a life ahead of you that only you can shape. Do not let these few people jade you. Keep your head up and push thru this. We are here to help. You will get thru all of this, and you will be stronger for it.
Re: Please read. I have no place else to go. SadEyez: he says since i found a job now i should pay for all the stuff myself. He never even filed the paperwork for the divorce. Since we live in different states, I had to wait an extra 6 months just to file. I applied for a pro bono lawyer since I am low income, they accepted it but it will take 4-6 wks. before they contact me.
At one point he told me to just file for the divorce since I have his SSN. He didnt even bother and its been 15 months! His girlfriend kept shooting me dirty looks as if I was the one in the wrong! He says I just want to keep his name-- I never ever took his name when we married.
Its been 15 months & now he wants his name off the lease most probably so they can get a place together. I think if I remove his name off the lease now I wont see $1.00 of what he owes me. If I loose my place, me & my cat have no place to go. My dad threatened to not speak to me if I didn't collect some type of money.
He said I just want his money ( I'd feel better about myself not taking anything-- I still love him & dont want him to think of me that way). I try to tell myself he's changed but all I can think of is the good days. I just wanted my marriage to work. Am I doing the wrong thing? He left me is so much debt. I need help but I dont want him to think I'm just out for money , I've never asked for a dollar.
Re: Please read. I have no place else to go. chaotic: Dont worry about what he thinks. He is saying these things to make himself feel better or to put on a show to his other woman. The guy is a scum bag. There is no telling what he has likely told her about you.
You need to stop worrying about what he says and start worrying about yourself. You have every right to collect that money. Its not about you being "just after his money", its about you trying to protect yourself and get what you deserve. DO NOT take his name off the lease. Right now that seems to be the only thing preventing him from disappearing completely. He has realized that it is damaging him as well. That is why he has become so adamant about it. DO NOT give in. Fight him, stand up for what is right. Start seeing him for what he is...NOT what he was.
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