Re: Please read. I have no place else to go. SadEyez: thats what i was thinking too. Is it possible for someone to beleive their own lies? His girlfriend heard him cuss me out inside the rental office- was that not a red fla? I called him a looser after he cursed me out. Maybe I just should have said nothing but I felt so disrespected & embarrassed.
This morning i came to work an hour early because I couldnt sleep. I was thinking that maybe I failed him because he didnt start off so mean. I felt like a looser. I just kept crying. I feel guilty about going back to school because I had always thought he'd be there to share this experience with me.
I miss being happy... I'm trying not to think of them together because otherwise I feel like I need to throw up and i get a huge knot in- between my chest. Am I having a heart problem? I'm so scared. My cell is off right now so at the moment the only way I can talk is to you guys here at OJAR.
I dont know what I'd do without you all and this wonderful place. Yall are such a blessing to me. I try to keep repeating the advice I get every night before I go to sleep ( or try to).
Re: Please read. I have no place else to go. sheydp: Can I ask you, honey... what is it you love about him? The person you are describing sounds like someone not worthy of the care you have put in. Is it that you love him or are afraid to be alone - probably because he made you afraid?
You were happy at first, it sounds like... but knowing that it was just to get you into the position you are now - doesn't that taint your memories?
You want that happiness, right? You need to be free to find it with someone who MEANS it. Even if he were with you now, could you trust again, feel safe? You are worth so much more than he would have you believe, and it sounds like since he left you are really trying to realize your potential. Believe in YOURSELF, don't let him get you down!
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Shey
Re: Please read. I have no place else to go. chaotic: Its natural to love him. You have spent time with him and that does not change over night.
Right now, you are feeling a need or a want for everything to just go back to the way it was. Trust me, you dont really want that...It would not do any good.
You would hope that the OW would see his behaviour for what it is and leave him, but she is likely weaker than you and either afraid to leave or misreads the attention she gets as affection. Trust me, he is just going to repeat his pattern with her. But dont worry about her...Worry about you.
That knot you feel in your chest is real. Its your body responding to the anxiety and fear. Do not ignore it. You need to relax and breathe. Holding in this anxiety will not help.
Next time you feel it, take a moment to just relax. Feel every muscle in your body loosen. Pick a spot on the wall and just focus on that, decribe it in your head. It will help drive the other thoughts out of your head.
Please, just take a deep breath and relax. Do it for me. I will feel better knowing that you are.
Re: Please read. I have no place else to go. SadEyez: [quote author=sheyd link=topic=39519.msg434172#msg434172 date=1168010998">
Can I ask you, honey... what is it you love about him? The person you are describing sounds like someone not worthy of the care you have put in. Is it that you love him or are afraid to be alone - probably because he made you afraid?
You were happy at first, it sounds like... but knowing that it was just to get you into the position you are now - doesn't that taint your memories?
You want that happiness, right? You need to be free to find it with someone who MEANS it. Even if he were with you now, could you trust again, feel safe? You are worth so much more than he would have you believe, and it sounds like since he left you are really trying to realize your potential. Believe in YOURSELF, don't let him get you down!
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Shey
[/quote">
i love him the way he USED to be.. before he started resenting/hating me or whatnot. maybe he was just acting, but i miss feeling like he loved me. I thought we'd always stick by eachother . I never thought he'd become this person after all i put up with and stuck with-- how can he just abandon me ? Its like we never were together- like he just forgot. but although i know it sounds pitiful-- i just keep trying to understand, to make sense of it all. i loved my husband and i wanted my marriage. i feel cheated, i didnt even get a 1-yr. anniversary.
Re: Please read. I have no place else to go. ionysis: Hi SadEyez,
I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will HAVE a marriage, and a family and someone who doesn't cheat on you and treat you badly, someone who loves you like they ought to. Life is testing and sometimes cruel but you are still young, you will get the chance to be a wife and mother and this time with someone who is good for you. You will miss him for a long time, not just because of who he was to you and because you loved him but because you felt like you had a future which has been stolen from you. It hasn't. It's just a bend in the road that you weren't expecting. Maybe this fork in the path of your life will lead you to your greatest happiness. Try to believe that.
Also there are other people in your life who have NOT abandoned you. Your friends and family love you and need you and although they may not be able to be with you all the time the way you wanted your husband to be they share your life and your future too.
A husband is so comforting because you believe that you are loved by at least one person more than they love anybody else. You are first in their affections and a top priority in their life. The loss of that wounds our very substance. But there are other people who feel that way about you - your mother, your father, your brothers and sisters if you have them, your best friends. You see you are worth so much to so many people. If you are freed from giving so much of yourself to one person - who sounds remarkably undeserving of it - you can love yourself and every other person in your life just a little bit more to try to make up for it.
You will be happy again, slowly the sick feeling will pass, the anxiety will lessen and you won't cry every day. Sometime later a month will have gone by where you didn't cry once, I promise. Hang in there and be strong - truly he has done you a favour even if it may not feel like it now.
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