Not allowing myself to heal?? tripny2k6: Im wondering if anyone has experienced something like this. Im doing a lot better. Im actually functioning on all levels now and I can feel happiness is on the horizen. The problem is that I dont think I am allowing myself to be happy. I mean, I go through the day and I hardly think or worry about what she is doing, etc. But then its like I enjoy being alone in my apartment bc I dont have to talk to anyone, etc. Its like I am not allowing myself to interact with people and be happy again. Im afraid to let go completely. I know this may sound stupid, but thats where Im at right now. Im so close to getting to that next stage, but I cant let go. Advice??
Re: Not allowing myself to heal?? JadedButtafly: I'm feeling the same way, i know i can be happy... i know i can move on, but I'm not allowing myself too. and i know this is my weakness. I dont sit around and think about what he's doing all the time, but I do wonder about him. and he jumps on AIM and talks to me and emails me, and it's crushing. I feel like i need to move on, but how can i? I know i need to face the no contact rule. i dont think i have been allowing myself to heal...... when you find out how to do this let me in on your lil secret ;) best of luck to you
Re: Not allowing myself to heal?? chaotic: My advice would be to stop over analyzing your healing. I have been separated for almost a year now and my divorce was final back in Oct. I still love going home and having no one to talk to. I enjoy the solitude. I can finally sit and contemplate without having to worry about someone interupting me. It is a conscious choice I make to sit at home or go out.
Now if you are going home and sitting alone because you are afraid of going out. Or if you are consciously avoiding interaction with others, then this may develop into something serious. But I do not think this is what you are doing. You are productive at work, so that says to me that you are not afraid of leaving your home or avoiding interaction.
I think you are doing what everyone MUST do. You are learning to be single. You are learning about yourself and what you need in life. This will make you better equipped to handle people that may come into your life.
Like I said, I love going home alone and working on one of my projects at home. I enjoy the solitude and my space. I enjoy going out with my friends and all, but I have gotten to a point where I look forward to my peace and quiet. I think once you get to that point, you can really start to discover yourself. And self discovery is so very important to healthy relationships.
Re: Not allowing myself to heal?? tripny2k6: Im definately not afraid to go out and do things. Sometimes I find that I am afraid to be happy, if that makes any sense. Its like Im still in morning. I would never take her back into my life at this point, nor do I have any intention of ever speaking to her again. I just feel afraid to be happy. I force myself to smile around family and I get pretty irratated easily when around them and her them complain about small things. Its weird. I have been forcing myself to do things that I wouldnt normally do. For example, I went to a college basketball game with my father on Saturday. I havent done that in ages, and it was fun. But I feel like there is such a void when I am back home after doing things like that. In my mind, I enjoy living at home alone as well right now. I can do whatever I want, whenever. But I still feel like I am mourning a serious loss. Even though I know I am getting over it. :-/
Re: Not allowing myself to heal?? chaotic: Trip,
I think you are perfectly normal. I went thru many times where I was feeling exactly like you. Keep in mind...You ARE mourning a serious loss. It has been only a relatively short amount of time since your breakup. So its natural to question whether or not you can be happy or when you feel happy, its natural to question when its going to end.
Let YOURSELF go. It sounds like you may be thinking about this from too many angles. Let your mind relax and your happiness will follow. When you are comfortable, focus on that, not one what is making you comfortable. That might help ease your fear.
I too feel that void. Over the holidays, I had a houseful of people over for Christmas Dinner. I cooked all sorts of food and had about 15 people over. We had a great time. But when everyone left, I felt that void you are talking about. I had to remind myself that the event showed how many true friends I have and that even though the event was over, they are still my friends. I focused on the fun I had that day, not on the fact the event was over.
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