Re: Not allowing myself to heal?? Crystal_Blue_024: Hey trip, I know EXACTLY what you mean... I find myself doing the same thing sometimes... I'll be out and having a good time, and then it's like, "Wait, I'm not supposed to be having fun." Then I start thinking all these negative thoughts, and it totally brings my mood down.. Like chaotic said, I think maybe we are over-analyzing things... We just need to allow ourselves to feel what we feel... If we feel happy, we're happy... If we feel sad, we're sad... Don't try to stop the feelings or force the feelings, just let them come... You're still at the beginning of the healing, and so am I, we can't force ourselves along, or try to speed things up (even though I know I wish we could)... Just let things come and go...
Re: Not allowing myself to heal?? tripny2k6: After being strong all weekend, and really since last week I am feeling so down right now. I cant get memories out of my head. All the good memories and to think that she turned into my worst enemy. :-[
Re: Not allowing myself to heal?? kimberly: You're perfectly normal and you must remember you have grown leaps and bounds from where you were. It is a process, Rome wasn't built in a day.
Re: Not allowing myself to heal?? MEP2006: I do the same thing -- I think you're very normal. I sometimes say to myself, "yeah, but this isn't REAL fun because he's not here" and then I end up sabotaging the good time I'm having. But it is a PROCESS. Healing happens in stages. If you have to let go in itty bitty pieces, then that's what you have to do. If sitting at home on your couch at night is the process by which you let go, then that's what you have to do. Don't beat yourself up for it. I have come to love returning home at night. It's my retreat, my refuge. I have started to enjoy being alone again, and spending time with my son without David. It was a process, though. And I gave it all the time and space it needed, so it would be authentic. Nothing feels worse than forcing yourself to act like you're all better when really what you need to do is retreat to the bush, and lick your wounds for awhile.
Re: Not allowing myself to heal?? ionysis: I'm afraid I haven't got to that stage so I can't speak from personal experience here but I did read a very interesting book which refered to this. It wasn't about divorce or break ups at all it was about grief. Whether you experience a loss due to a break up, abandonment or death the grief is just as real and the mourning process very similar.
I read that both your body and your subconsious mind know what they are doing to heal you - it's how we are programmed. You have to LET yourself feel whatever you are feeling and accept that it's OK to feel that way. Don't think I SHOULD be doing this or I OUGHT to feel that. The healing process is not a nice smooth curve, even I feel that still at the early stages. You may feel like your feelings are betraying you or that the way you feel is not healthy but the most important thing is that whatever you feel don't beat yourself up over it. This phase too will pass, just like that crippling agony you felt when it first happened eased over time. Your mind is still processing - let it do it's job and don't be so hard on yourself - you are normal!
