Would love some help. unclear: This may be quite long, I'll try and sum it up as best as I can so ask questions if need be. I don't have many to vent too and writing tends to help.
My situation:
Been dating a woman for ten years who was my fiance and now my ex-fiance since two months ago. She gave the ring back; but really never gave a reason, other than we don't want the same things, (I had been pushing family friends away) and were different.
Few days go by we talked, nothing solved. Didn't hear from her for days, I called, left text's and had sent roses to her place. Very little of a response; but she had sent me a text "Thank you for the roses their beautiful but you shouldn't have". I text'ed back asking to talk; but her response was that of "going to bed, tomarrow we can".
That day came and she never called, I called; but she didn't answer. A couple days had passed and I wrote her a few letters and we talked; but it was mainly me talking and doing a lot of pushing (asking for a second chance, etc) The conversation ended with what it seemed I had put her in a panic attack, she couldn't sit still and had to let me go; but said she would call me back.
Few days go bye I wrote a few more letters; but still no word from her. Growing frustrated, tired, I ventured out to her place of work and confronted her. I asked if we could talk while she was warming up her car, I held her hands and again I did most of the talking, and when it was time for me to leave I asked if she would call tomarrow, she promised and away I went.
Next day she calls and we have a long conversation, still I pushed; but I had brought up a new topic "Trial Seperation", Because I felt that maybe she needed a bit of space. She had mentioned in the past conversations that "I can't do this now", "I need to be on my own". I asked her if we could try this and have no contact for two weeks and after it was over we would sit down and talk. She agreed.
Two weeks went by, on the night of the end of the "trial seperation" she calls, we have a great conversation, and even better I had learned from my mistakes and didn't push anything. We kept the conversation just a conversation. We talked about what we did during the two weeks and things we had done in the past month, etc. I felt good and asked if I could call the next day, she said yes,
Next day comes, I'm pulling a double shift and called, she was running around and asked if she could call me back, I said no, because the building I'm in doesn't recieve service for a cell phone, and said well I'll just call you when I'm done which will be soon. I called after I was done, but when she answered she sounded tired and asked if she could let me go, so she could sleep and said she would call me the next day.
That day came and she didn't call, nor the next. I finally broke down and text'ed her that I have an important letter and a box that I wish to give you. The box contained all the letters and trinkets we shared together over the last ten years including pictures, and a huge stack of letters she sent me while I was in Iraq. I waited a few days before dropping off the box, and when I did, she had called me from her work telling me that she's been buisy and sorry for not calling, and that she would call me the next day. I responded with "Thats up to you, and after you read the letter".
A day went by and I didn't hear from her and when I finally called she was driving up north for X-mas to see her brothers and we had talked; but it was hard to hear (her cell phone is crap); but I managed to say that I think we really need to actually talk about stuff, and about us.
She called a few days later; but we never really talked, it was mainly her calling to say she was home from work and really sick. *I believe her
A few days went by. I text'ed her with "This is such a dissapoinment after ten years this is what you left us, I wish you well, I am done". it's been 4 days, and she hasn't called, nor have I.
I think I just need someone to talk too, I feel like crap.
Re: Would love some help. devastated: Hi unclear,
I have a question for you. Do you think she may be seeing someone else?
Re: Would love some help. lilbrokenheart: sorry that you seem to be getting the run around. your ex seems to be the female version of my stbx-husband.
hopefully you'll have your talk, but i wouldn't get your hopes up.
my ex and i set 5 dates to have our "talk" after he wanted to separated (after 7 years of being together, almost 4 of those being married), but for whatever reason he couldn't make it. the usual line was that he was sick. i got so worried (stupidly believing him) so i made a dr. appointment for him and a massage appointment for him. well 6 months later we still haven't had our talk...
i text messaged him a lot begging him to just get it over with so i can try to pick up the pieces of my life, but it didn't help.
my unsolicited advice to you is to stop contacting her. and just try the best you can to move on (of course, i know easier said than done...) no more flowers or whatever. try to keep yourself really busy to avoid temptation to call.
Re: Would love some help. unclear: She could be, she's a very pretty girl; but doesn't really house the
"Night-Life" as you would expect someone of our age (26). She works a lot and is often extreamly tired from her shift and will most likely go home afterwords, see her friend (married/children, not too social) or may go to a bar maybe once a week for a few hours with co-workers. I've dwelled over this many of moons; but I know her, and I believe that she isn't. I don't believe in my mind that she's over m either, from a conversation we had not too long ago while telling me goodnight, I was trying to get a few questioned answered:
Do you still love me? "I don't know"
Do you want me to just stop calling? "I don't know"
Have you moved on? -Very Sarcastic tone- "Yeah, poof, just like that I've moved on, it's magic.
I'm quite frustrated, I'm losing or have lost the woman who'm I love with all of my heart, and quite helpless. A lot of what she says is mainly "I don't know". It's not an answer; but it's what she gives me.
I'm stuck in limbo and maybe my text to her wasn't correct of me, that it's kinda a bluff in a sense; because I'm not ready to let go.
Re: Would love some help. unclear: RE-lilbrokenheart
It's a lot easier said than done. Everyday that passes by it only hurts that much more. I try my best to keep myself occupied, it doesn't help or I just need to find something else that takes my mind off her, just tell that to my dreams maybe they'll stop haunting me too.
I'm not ready to say goodbye, that I have so many question, and so much pent up emotions that I really do need to talk with her. Though my question in a sense they may have already be answered. *her not calling
I really don't know what it was that made her choose giving the ring back a solution, or to treat me like this. I'm not sure if she just needs space, or if she's really done with me and wants to move on. I can give her space, if I know thats what she want provided guide lines
*Umm yeah, you can have space from me; I can stop calling, contacting you for a month or so; but I'm not too keen with you being with someone else.
I'm having a really hard time with this, and I'm not doing well at all.
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