Re: Dating and percentages YellowJacket: [quote author=The Rollin' Dragon link=topic=40015.msg440512#msg440512 date=1168843886">
But, given the fact that you (and hey - most of the rest of us) are divorced, you (we) have yet to actually find a permanent partner, eh?
That wasn't a slap, just a morbid observation, YJ... ;)
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I know what you're saying and I definitely didn't take it as a slap. I think my thinking is more along the lines of -- I met someone that met my criteria once already more than whether it ended up being permanent.
It's not completely true since she was a liar and I just didn't realize how much of one. Honesty is really big on my list now.
Re: Dating and percentages superwife: [quote author=YellowJacket link=topic=40015.msg440450#msg440450 date=1168835015">
No, there won't be any possible partners for a while yet. It's not my time.
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So yeah, it's not your time. Funny, I was just having this convo with a friend, and we were talking about two of your 'requirements'. My take is this: if it's the right person, you won't even thin twice about the religion factor, and you will accept her kids. Maybe not right now, but in time you may change your mind.
The LD thing ? That's another story. You may even change your mind on that too.
My bf told me, shortly after we met, that he's be eliminating a huge percentge of women if he eliminated girls with kids. Does this mean he's settling ? God, I hope not. If he really didn't like kids, or want somoene else's kid in his life, I don't hink he'd be around. But he said, in his experiences, there are more available women in our range that have kids then don't.
Re: Dating and percentages YellowJacket: [quote author=KimPossible link=topic=40015.msg440581#msg440581 date=1168870641">
My take is this: if it's the right person, you won't even thin twice about the religion factor
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Religion and children are not good areas to combine two incompatible people.
If she's somewhat religious and believes in God but doesn't go to church it's one thing. What I factored out in my original post are women that are very religious. If a woman goes to church every week, is actively involved with her church groups, etc. we should not be together. This is even more so from her side than mine. In many religions, she will have been taught to believe that she should not be with someone who doesn't believe as she does.
I was brought up in that environment and I was very religious until my mid 20's. I didn't have my first taste of alcohol until 27 if that gives you any idea. So I know very well that it's not a good idea to mix someone with that lifestyle with someone who is agnostic.
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, and you will accept her kids.
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How I feel about being a father has nothing whatsoever to do with how I feel about any one woman. A man should decide separately that he wants to be a father before marrying a woman with children. Acting otherwise is doing a disservice to the mother and the children.
Re: Dating and percentages JimB: Don't you think it's a little defeatist to look at it this way?
I like MaineSurfer's approach, although I certainly understand it's not always easy to look at things in that rosy a fashion. If you have a list of "must not's" and spend all your dating time looking for them so you can mark that person off your list, you're probably missing out on some good stuff.
The problem I see is trying to apply a strict logical approach to something that goes beyond logic. Yes, we all have "requirements", but we also know that the ability to compromise is a critical part of any meaningful relationship. Case in point:
[quote author=YellowJacket link=topic=40015.msg440589#msg440589 date=1168872219">
Religion and children are not good areas to combine two incompatible people.[/quote">
True, but the key word in that statement is not "religion" or "children" but "incompatible". If you're incompatible with someone, nothing else comes into play - there's no future there. But if you are compatible, that opens up possibilities that you would never dream of in your current life as a single guy. I'm not saying you'll end up compromising on these points - they seem pretty fundamental to you - but I guarantee there are aspects of your current life and belief system that seem really important right now that you'll be willing to give up for the right person.
To me, this is an example of why dating is something we all need to be careful with. Date too little, and there are probably some fear issues that need to be dealt with. Date too much, and we can become callous and get into ruts of over-judging people.
Look, I understand that I'm an ornery cuss and often a complete jackass. As such, it takes a special person to be an intimate part of my life. That's true of everybody, to varying degrees, and I'm not trying to downplay that. But ultimately, in this case, overthinking is the real enemy. Thinking about the odds will beat you down, and it's not important anyway. What's important is what MaineSurfer talks about: waking up every morning pleased that you continue to draw breath, and making every effort to fill life with positives.
Re: Dating and percentages Trent: I changed my requirement of "no kids" over the years to "good mom if kids" but that takes some time put in to figure out sometimes
The religion thing has been a real issue for me especially on Match.com since I was brought up catholic and have my beliefs still but seems like 50% of the women I talk to on there are super religious and freaks me out some times.
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