Re: Delayed exposure, but I've done it! Cherry: Dev,
I agree with your approach. Might doesn't not make right. Just because something is out of your control, does not mean that your reaction to it is. When the shit hits the fan, usually the ones that fare best are those that take a breath and take time to look around before flying off the handle.
I have recently come across an experience that I handled as rationally and calmly as I could. I took a look at the motivating factors, approched it with love and understanding and kept my emotions more private and worked thru them on my own. It turned out wonderfully. And I look now and say boy if you had been a b!tch to start with or started slinging your emotions around you would not have allowed the experience to unfold as healthy and as maturely as it did. I have done that in the past and it is way more damaging than the "high road" (for lack of a better term)
Way to go bud. Keep trucking. Im pulling for you.
Delayed exposure, but I've done it! devastated: Well, we went to her office this morning. We both met up with her manager and I told her about the affair. The look on her face was like she's been hit by a truck, am sure it was a surreal moment for her. WS didn't deny anything. I wanted the WS there so that she couldn't cook up a story with the OW and deny everything later.
The manager didn't look surprised when I said the OW was a lesbian, in fact, she even indicated that she suspected the OW was starting to get involved with someone else in the office! She said this accounts for both of them disappearing all the time (WS and OW). But she said that starting from today, she's giving the WS a week off to work on the marriage, as she feels that the marriage is more important that the job.
She says she values my wife as the top talent in the company, and is very reluctant to lose her, but she will discuss with the general manager and let us know the outcome by next week. The OW was around when we first walked in, but she didn't see us as she was on the phone. She had seen us and left the office by the time we came out. Coward!
I've asked my boss for the week off as well. We'll go back to my folk's place tomorrow or something and see where it goes from there. So we'll either call her parents tonight, or tell them face to face tomorrow.
Re: Delayed exposure, but I've done it! Cherry: Dev,
Seems that you handled this with as much tact as you could. Im relieved to hear that her boss was supportive. I will be thinking of you both and praying for you. Good luck. Im rooting for you.
Cherry
Re: Delayed exposure, but I've done it! devastated: Thanks for the support Cherry. Its been an exhausting day trying to stick around her like a second shadow to make sure she doesn't call, sms or email the OW.. and I'm exhausted.
I suppose in the end she will have to take ownership for her decisions. I cannot, and will not watch her 24/7 like a hawk. But when will she recover from this addiction enough to be able to decide either that she wants to seriously work on the marriage or to continue the affair?? Thats the hard part, knowing when to stop playing God and to let go and allow her to make up her own mind.
After an entire day of NC, as far as I can tell, the WS is still mad at me for exposing to her manager. I haven't exposed to her parents yet, as I'm waiting until we head home on Wednesday and tell them face to face. Will call up another of her friends and expose to him also.
Something she said got me thinking. Suppose management doesn't fire either one, but chose instead to give them a slap on the wrist, or even if they ask the OW to leave the company, she will still have to serve her notice period of 2 months. Meaning next week when the WS returns to work they'll break NC again by default (assuming the WS can last through the week!). I said that if that were the case, then I'll tell everyone at the office about it. Boy was she mad. She said that she will not allow herself to be bullied and be treated this way. If I'm going to expose to everyone anyway, whats the point of sticking around anymore?
I know this is WS-speak again, but tell me again why she's wrong? Sometimes its hard to fight this uphill battle for her only to have it all thrown back into my face. :(
Not looking forward to tomorrow.... better recharge those batteries. Nitez all!
Re: Delayed exposure, but I've done it! crushedman: Buddy-
I think you are doing the right thing. If anything, you waited too long to do it. However, I see a lot of hope for your marriage. You've read the stories, you know how important exposure is. Think of it this way, if you don't want to play God, then why NOT expose? Just expose to EVERYONE, then let the chips fall where they may. Chances are, she'll snap out of-- but ONLY after she doesn't see or talk to OW for a few months. What about her changing jobs if management doesn't let either one go?
By the way, your wife is acting like a spoiled little girl. Did she think her affair was free and had no consequences? She's just mad that she has to face those consequences now, her anger is displaced. It's likely that she will realize this, but it may take a long time. You have to decide if it's worth sticking it out until then. Keep bangin, man. I'm pulling for you.
cm
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