The little reminders YellowJacket: Isn't it nice when you get those reminders of how being out of your marriage is definitely the better place?
My X was one who would continue to spend money she didn't need to even when in debt. She did a very poor job of managing money. She once purposefully didn't pay her car insurance because she wanted to use the money for discretionary spending. She lied about this and the only reason I found out was that she got into a wreck during that period. The guy that hit her lied about what happened and if the insurance company had believed his story my X would have been out of luck. Her car was totalled.
This was tied to her bigger issues -- she was lazy and lacked self control. She was coddled growing up by her parents and numerous boyfriends and she really wasn't used to doing things she didn't want to. Things she didn't want to do she didn't unless she absolutely had to. She never exercised, never used her time constructively, and spent all her days off that I had to work just laying on the couch watching TV shows she didn't care about.
This was not how she had portrayed herself when we were first dating. It was long distance originally so I wasn't able to observe the truth. She claimed she exercised every day, that she was the one who cleaned her parents' house, etc. I did have plenty of time to see the truth before marrying her so that aspect is my own fault.
I would often get calls when we were married from credit card companies and bill collectors. It wasn't that she didn't have the money to pay them, it was that she was just too lazy to bother with getting the payments out in time. I often felt like a parent to a small child in having to go back to the same issues over and over again. It was so frustrating.
It's easy to forget that frustration and how it makes you feel months and years later. Each of the past four days I've gotten calls for her from a credit card company or two. I explain that she hasn't lived here for a year and a half but they keep calling. Getting the reminders that cause me to re-live it all in my mind, it makes me so glad that's not my life anymore.
Re: The little reminders ChristyM: I agree YJ. My daughter and I went home to Indiana over the holidays and she stayed up there to visit with the ex's side of the family and I came back to Florida. When I picked her up from the airport she went on and on about all the turmoil and drama that's still happening with his family and it made me thankful I am not a part of that any longer. I used to get sucked into all of it and now my life is so much more stress free.
It is nice to get that validation once in awhile.
Christy
Re: The little reminders alonewith2: Everytime my stbxh and I need to converse about something related to our daughter, finances, the divorce, etc, I always get sucked into listening to him go on and on about his stupid band troubles. I'm reminded very quickly how much better my life has been since those daily talks which always left me feeling last on his priority list. I remember so often wishing he'd show as much concern/pride/care/interest/focus in me or our marriage.
Re: The little reminders YellowJacket: Yeah, Snibs, you all with kids get the constant reminders. I sure don't envy you that.
Re: The little reminders chum: can't have constant reminders when they don't give a damn about there kids...although still reminds me I am better off
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