Re: depressed... darkrose: [quote author=ebl link=topic=40038.msg440889#msg440889 date=1168892314"> For one, my soon to be ex husband (husband of 10 years) and I have never had a major, "oh my god, my marriage is ending" fight. We had our little arguments here and there, but we were able to resolve them within an hours time - at most. To make matters worse for my situation now, he never ever ever ever told me that he was unhappy with the marriage.
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Some guys are like that..Some people perceive emotion as weakness. I have a close friend who's husband was like that, actually..and my stbxw is like that.
In my stbxw's case, it came from her upbringing. She was not brought up in a happy house. Her parents stayed together for her sake, and she always felt that opening her mouth only added to the problems they were having..so she bottled things up.
She apparently felt this way in our marriage. She didn't tell me there was a problem, she didn't even let on that there was a problem..until it was too late. She still kissed me, she still said she loved me, we still had sex..it was only when I picked up on her attitude towards me that I realized something was wrong..she became cold and distant towards me...
Anyway, I wouldn't put too much stock in him coming back or not. Your vindication shouldn't be in his regret..it should be in you living well and finding what it is you are looking for. :)
Re: depressed... frankbj: I feel exactly the same way as you
Re: depressed... tryingtosmile: I can see both sides of this issue. On one hand, you realize that no contact is helping you to heal and you don't necessarily want to be back together with him, especially after finding out that he was cheating. On the other hand, it hurts that he hasn't even TRIED to contact you and see how you are doing. You think to yourself...how could he just disappear like that? Doesn't he have any feelings for me? Any regret? Any guilt?
Even though it is for the best that he doesn't contact you, it still hurts. It is hard to accept that someone that we loved so much can just walk away from us and never look back.
My husband didn't cheat (at least not to my knowledge), but he was also able to just walk away and not look back. To this day, he has not called me once..it has been almost 3 months. I am pretty certain that I won't be hearing from him either. I don't think it is because he doesn't care..I think it is because he doesn't want to face the reality of the situation and it is much easier not to contact me. He doesn't want to know if I am sad because he feels guilty about leaving and there isn't much he can do/say to fix the past. Maybe your husband has some of the same feelings...
It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I know, but just because you don't hear from him or he doesn't want to "try again"..doesn't mean he has no feelings. I think that further down the line, you will see his no contact as a good thing, but it may take awhile to see that. He doesn't deserve you anyway; maybe he just figured that out a lot quicker than some of the other spouses who do try to come back ;)
Re: depressed... Balist: EBL, your story sounds very familiar, only that my xw, acted like your husband. I have to respectfully disagree that women are different on this front. We never really fought and never had the "our marriage is ending conversation."
Just one day, she came home and told me that we both changed and that she doesn't love me anymore and that she was having affair. BTW, we were trying to start a family, and she was pregnant at the time. Turns out she didn't who the father was. The next day she moved out of the house and later that week terminated the pregnancy and went back to work the next day. That was eight months ago and other than lawyers there has been no communication since August.
The last thing she ever said to me was never to expect an apology because she doesn't regret any of her actions. Well, she lost 99% of her/our friends, the other guy dumped her, she lost all respect in the community and now lives like a hermit in her apartment while I enjoy myself out on the town. I even have a new wonderful woman in my life.
In the beginning things suck. Everyone says give it time and feels like a prison sentence. Trust me, your stbxh isn't worth it if he cheated on you. You don't see it now but there is no reason to reconcile with him.
Just be active. Go out with friends, work out, do things that make you happy. Eventually your feelings of loss and abandonment will subside. They will never really go away but they do heal.
Keep your spirits up and know that OJAR is a fantastic place to find support. OJAR was a lifesaver for me. People here are great and very supportive.
