Re: depressed... alfaromeo: Maybe he knows he doesn't deserve you. Maybe God is protecting you. Maybe God is waiting for you to get him from inside of you so he can send someone to you who will never have to come back begging, because he will never do anything so bad to have to beg in that manner.
Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears ... I read this saying a lot, makes me feel like God is with me when I feel apart from him.
Re: depressed... YellowJacket: Sometimes two people just aren't right for each other. Maybe that's what happened in your case. You mentioned thinking you lacked something but that doesn't necessarily have to be the case. Perhaps the two of you just weren't a right fit.
My X cheated, wanted to reconcile, and then decided later that she didn't (after the other man offered to leave his wife). It's tough to take the double blow of them cheating and leaving. You feel owed after they cheat on you and instead of making amends they hit you with another one. It's quite a thing to have to go through and I found all I could do was forget about it.
Fortunately I came around and realized I didn't want her either but it was a rough period before that. Maybe if you think about it enough you'll realize yours wasn't right for you either. He did cheat, after all. You can find one now that you trust.
Re: depressed... litebrite: I'm pretty new here but want to give you the other side of the coin.
I was the cheater. It was an exit affair. I felt like I tried my hardest to confront with my stbx the problems in our marriage (he was verbally and emotionally abusive, drank a lot, we never were "intimate" anymore, we didn't communicate, we didn't hang out.) But all of my ultimatums before never made him change. So, when I found someone who respected me and treated me like I had always hoped, I took the chance to get back at him and make him hurt as bad as possible. Was it the right thing to do? no. Was it mature? no. Was I wrong? Yes. Definitely. But I didn't know of any other way to escape the prison I went home to every day. I never tried to deny the affair. In fact, I threw it in his face several times. Now, I don't know a lot about your situation, but I just wanted to tell you how the other side feels sometime. I know you are hurting because I hurt someone just like you. You may have done nothing wrong. Like me, maybe he didn't think he could talk to you about what he was really feeling. It would do you good to find out. Have him be totally honest and lay it out on the table.
Now that I'm gone, my STBX is really trying to change. Not to be so angry and negative. At least I think he is changing. Too bad he never wanted to change for me...
Re: depressed... litebrite: clarice: thanks for being understanding. Too many times people jump to conclusions. I think that as long as we admit our faults and wrongdoings and make as much effort as we can to change it, we are on a good path. Sometimes we choose the wrong path. Finding out why is just as important.
I know they say you can't judge someone until you've been in their shoes. I thank *most* of the people on here for not being too judgemental and being supportive - because no matter how much we post, we will never know the complete story.
Re: depressed... ebl: litebrite,
thanks for your response and for your side of the story, but your husband and I have nothing in common.
For one, my soon to be ex husband (husband of 10 years) and I have never had a major, "oh my god, my marriage is ending" fight. We had our little arguments here and there, but we were able to resolve them within an hours time - at most. To make matters worse for my situation now, he never ever ever ever told me that he was unhappy with the marriage.
Second, I am not an abusive type of person.
If he was unhappy, I am not a mind reader. So how was I to know that he was unhappy in the marriage.
Third, women and men are very different:
Most women would not simply walk away from a marriage. Most women need to feel like they are loved, and moreover, they need the security of a stable home. That's why most women would accept a cheating spouse back, or would tolerate abuse at home for long periods of time.
Men are not the same for some reason.
This is why when I read about spouses who leave and don't come back, I don't even bother reading women's posts as to why they left. They are usually very different reasons - like yours.
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