Re:need help/support lookin4alite: hey nc,
if you need to talk PM me and we can chat or get together for beers. I've had some serious crap happen in the last year so I probably can provide some relief that you are not alone. I am in middle NC.
later.
lite
Re:need help/support sunseeker: I too am in NC and can offer support if you need it. The worst thing about NC is the year waiting period...but in some ways its good if there is any chance of working things out.
I agree with everyone else...don't go crying and begging to her. She sounds alot like my ex...stubborn and determined......Give her the space and if its meant to be she will come around.
NOW about the dog....DO NOT let her take you dog. that was the only comfort that I had when my ex had hsi affair and called it quits. I wuld have fought tooth and nail to keep my dogs ...he finally gave up....and the dogs are with me. He only tried to take them for spite...
Re:need help/support cvictory: well folks, i've got an update. i found out this week that while my wife was away in nyc, she was spending time with her ex-boyfriend. she claims that they only kissed and she was drunk and didn't mean it, but the fact of the matter is that she contacted him while she was in nyc. when i confronted her about it, she first lied to me and then finally admitted it when i pushed her. she then said "whatever, i just want a divorce". in addition to that i found out that she had been running around nyc without her wedding ring on and changed her voice mail so that it no longer had her last name (my last name) on it. so much for telling me she was willing to see a counselor and talk about things.
i am now left alone (although i am visiting with my family at the moment) and never got a clear understanding of her feelings and the underlying reasons for her quick departure. she ended up taking the dog, as the dog would truely be happier with her b/c it doesn't have to sit inside all day by itself while i'm at school. i agree that the one year rule is tough, as i have been in contact with lawyers over the last few days.
also, she got home to her parents house where she has moved all of her things and told them she doesn't want to talk about anything and to leave her alone. i told them that she had been with her ex (whom they hate) and they are irate with her. they are all going to her therapist tomorrow and will certainly be having it out. i wish i could be a fly on that wall!
Re:need help/support whathef?: Hey Alone,
I'm out west in N.C.
About as far west as you can go.
Be cool about everything.
Don't kill yourself asking why she did or didn't do certain things.
She is her own person and made her own choices for whatever reason.
It's part of her journey through life and hopefully learning.
It's not up to us to decide for them and it will do us no good to try and figure out "why".
We have a chance to learn about ourselves here also, and learn to make better choices.
Who wants to go through this shit again?
One of the toughest things I'm dealing with now is the blame. It's hard to not blame them when they made bad choices, but the question is "who are we to judge?"
I read a good article on blame, I'll post it later.
But, I have found that when I let go of the blame, the anger disappeared and I have a better understanding of why things happened the way they did.
Good luck.
I've been S since April 20
Re:need help/support sunseeker: alone,
I know it hurts like he** right now....the pain was sometimes unbearable to me. I kept asking....."how can someone just stop loving me" It just didn't make since and still to this day doesn't...but you'll drive yourself insane if you try to figure out the answer. Sometimes things just don't have an answer...or any one specific answer.
Here is my promise...IT WILL GET BETTER! I am two months away from being able to file for divorce ( stupid NC year waiting period). At first I felt like I was in a hazy nightmare. I couldn't sleep or eat. But that passed with time. I am HAPPIER then I have EVER been in my entire life. I enjoy being my own entity again ...doing what I want. I do volunteer work, do crazy stuff like fly cross country to see Jimmy Buffett, and spend time with famly and friends. The other day I was sitting around with a group of girlfriends and they were all saying "my husband won't LET me do this or that" and I BURST out laughing...
SO HANG IN THERE!! PM some of us if you need to... :)
