Please don't start the rollercoaster again... Lady Phoenix: C~
Since communicating my feelings to you doesnt seem to get me very far..I'm going to just try and put some things here because I know you won't see it. When I talked to you just now, I felt you turn the switch to on on the rollercoaster..My stomach lurched..my head swam..and I once again had that feeling of not understanding what exactly it is that is not good enough about me. Things have been going great since we saw the divorce lawyer..and decided to make this work..we were both told to make changes..and God knows I made alot..and I've seen minute changes in you..things I've seen before yes..but the difference is..I have believed them this time..and I start to trust..and then the little digs start..you backhandedly make remarks and say you are joking..and I think..ok..maybe he is..
You beat me over the head with getting a better job..when the whole idea in the first place was just for me to have one..and I did get one..and I work night after night..losing time with you..losing time with my children..exhausted..but once my ex pulled the child support, and my hours started to get cut at work..you once again looked at me asking "what was I going to do?"... To be honest..I dont know..but I can't take your criticism..I can't take your unrealistic expectations..I can't take another ride on the roller coaster of whatever you have in your head of who I should be.. I made alot of changes..and I'm doing the best I can..but there are pieces of the "old" you coming back to the surface and Im not sure I can take it again.. :-\
But..the thing is..I will..because I love you..I realized just how much when I almost lost you and our family..I thought you felt the same but sometimes I just dont know... it seems to be all about money with you..or whatever it is I or the kids have done wrong this week.
Did you not notice that I busted my a$$ to make your birthday special? That I spent my whole paycheck to give you 3 days of a great birthday instead of 1? That I did 1000 little things to make sure YOU had a special day? and I wanted to do it.. I didnt even care if I got a thank you..but sometimes I just wish it were reversed..that you didnt expect me to fall at your feet just because I'm your wife. God knows I'm no saint, but dammit I'm pretty freakin special..You can bend me but you wont break me..and I'll ride the rollercoaster if thats what you want..but I won't let it throw me onto the pavement again..I can't...
Please just understand that I love you..and Im doing the best I can..and that is all that I can do..don't let whatever it is you think you want cause you to lose what you do have. It's a huge price to pay... :-\
All my love,
R
Re: Please don't start the rollercoaster again... Cherry: (((((LP)))))) Love ya girl. You know where to find me if you need me.
Re: Please don't start the rollercoaster again... chum: ((HUGS))
