Ojar as a Substitute snkpack: I came to Ojar to rid myself of the demons of a past relationship which I've never truly gotten over. I don't really care anymore about the person I shared that love with, but the ghosts of being abandoned still follow me everywhere I go. I'm better than I've ever been, but I'm still not where I'd like to be.
I don't come to Ojar anymore to vent about my divorce. I don't come here to write letters to J anymore. I guess that's how I know I'm healing. I just don't really care about J's life anymore - whether its good or bad. I don't care what happens to him. But I still remember the pain and I still suffer the insecurities that my marriage and my divorce left me with. Perhaps I will always have to cope with this.
For the past four years, I've dated off an on, but I've noticed that since I've joined Ojar, I haven't dated nearly as much as I used to. And I guess that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not even sure if its Ojar so much as it is just a general shift in my perspective and desires in life. I don't want to "date" anymore, I want to be with one person. But to find this person, I'd have to "date" wouldn't I? And yet I don't because I use Ojar as a substitute.
Let's face it, Ojar is the ultimate feel good. You come here, you flirt, you'll never meet most of the people on Ojar so the rejection factor is low. Even if you get rejected, the sting is minimal. And Ojar is full of compassionate people who flatter you, flirt with you, and make you feel as awesome as you want to be. But its not real life. And flirting on Ojar hasn't gotten me any closer to my real life goals.
Re: Ojar as a Substitute C-Note: Ojar helped and served it's purpose for me as well. I admit my coming to terms was a bit delayed, but when it all came crashing down I'm glad I found this place.
Obviously I'm not here sobbing over the loss of my ex or everything else involved with that matter, but I'm still here too.
It's my substitue for the watering hole, the bar, the club, the pool hall, the water buffalo lodge.
Till I find my place else where I guess I'll stick around and throw my 2 cents in when ever I think I can help.
Re: Ojar as a Substitute Topaz: I'm here because most of my friends are not divorced and consequently, they don't really understand what I'm going through. Before I found Ojar, it was hard to get the support that I needed. In terms of life goals, I have found this place to be a good sounding board, but as far as moving towards those goals, that's been up to me.
Snk, I can see what you mean about this place becoming a substitute for the kind of closeness and camaraderie you're looking for in life. I think those are the moments it might be good to take a step back and focus on real-life relationships. It's one thing to talk about what you want or don't want, but quite another to take action to manifest those desires.
Re: Ojar as a Substitute superwife: [quote author=Snkpack link=topic=40090.msg441562#msg441562 date=1168970686">
Let's face it, Ojar is the ultimate feel good. You come here, you flirt, you'll never meet most of the people on Ojar so the rejection factor is low. Even if you get rejected, the sting is minimal. And Ojar is full of compassionate people who flatter you, flirt with you, and make you feel as awesome as you want to be. But its not real life. And flirting on Ojar hasn't gotten me any closer to my real life goals.
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It sure is the ultimate feel good. I think for friendships as well as 'pretend' flirting and relationships. I am not saying those who have relationshiops here are 'pretending'. I ahve become very friendly with people who are in the ojar dating scene, and am very ahppy for all of you ;).
But for some (like Snk I guess) that is the furthest thing from their minds right now. Of course it is for me as well (given my current situation). SO it is easy to flirt here, because nothing is at stake. But it was never my intention in the beginning either (I had a bf when I joined here). It is a social thing at this point. Too social sometimes, I think, for me. I don't talk to my RL friends nearly as much as I used to. So for me, I think I am using it as a substitute for real live freindships. Lets face it tho, it is much easier to log on and talk to you guys then to pin down a date and time to meet with one friend, let alone more. And if it is meting your needs (like it is meeting my needs) then is there anything wrong with it? hmmmm.......
Re: Ojar as a Substitute chaotic: Have you found your real life goals? I dont know if Ojar will prevent you from reaching them if they are not defined yet. OJar might help form those goals. If however you find yourself here all the time afraid to step into the real world, then it might prevent you from living.
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