YJ's Disclaimer YellowJacket: Someone I've never messaged before on OJar sent me a PM today and it was really nice to hear from a new person. Then C-Note brought up giving compliments to strangers and it made me think.
I don't often send a PM to someone first and I give many fewer compliments to strangers than I used to. Why? Well, with women it's because I'm always afraid they are going to think I'm hitting on them. I know you all get hit on all the time and I know it can really get old. I know a lot of times guys will try to use something innocent as an "in". However, I feel really good when someone sends me a message the first time or speaks to me in real life and I don't think anything of it. I don't mistake that for "you want me." I have male friends. I know many do. ::)
But when you're a guy and you're just trying to be nice, make someone's day a little better, or make a new friend, it is very frustrating to be treated as if you're being rejected. There have been a few times where I was just walking through a store or whatever and would smile and say "hello" to a woman that I passed and they'd give me this "I don't think so" look or look away and say nothing. It wasn't about dating. Many (most?) were women I wouldn't have dated based on appearance and at times I was already in a relationship of some sort.
I never do this and I don't care what the woman looks like. Simple civility really doesn't require that much effort. Wait until he does hit on you to treat him as if he is.
A few times I've gotten the feeling of the same on OJar. Not because I said anything that even remotely resembles making a pass.
So, here is YJ's disclaimer. Read it. Learn it. Live it!
1. I don't want a relationship right now. If I did, I wouldn't want a long-distance relationship and you don't live in Dallas.
2. You have kids and think I'm evil 'cause I've decided they aren't right for me. :D So we aren't right for each other anyway.
3. I'm really wordy. I write a lot. If you get a long message from me or I reply to your threads all the time, it means I think well of you or what you have to say. It probably also means I'd like to be online friends. It is not, however, because I think you're the most beautiful flower to ever grace the meadow. 8)
4. If I offer to help you with something on or off OJar, it's because I'm a nice guy and I really enjoy doing that. It's not an attempt to form a romantic relationship. See points 1 and 2 above.
5. If you want to be my friend, chances are that I want to be yours too unless you are rude or a jerk to people on here. Say hi to me. I won't think you're hitting on me.
6. Sometimes I don't get on OJar for a while when I'm busy. Please don't think I'm rude if I take a bit to get back to you. It isn't because of you or anything that you wrote.
7. Sometimes I love talking on the phone and sometimes I hate it. It goes through phases. If you ask if we can talk on the phone and I say "another time", please know that it isn't about you. I'm just old and probably set in my ways. :D
8. If I say "if you need someone to listen, feel free to PM me" what this really means is "if you need someone to listen, feel free to PM me." It does not mean "you have the hottest sounding screen name ever and based solely on that -- since it's the only thing I know of you so far on OJar -- I want to date you and not have 2.4 children together."
Yeah, many of you know I had a relationship with someone on OJar so maybe that makes me sound like a liar. It was a friendship that unexpectedly developed into more but won't be happening again. See point 1 above. :)
Okay, there, I feel much better! I suspect other guys have had similar thoughts. I know two women have.
And to the person who sent me a PM earlier today -- thanks! It probably didn't seem like much to you but I was feeling kind of disconnected today. I really appreciated it.
Re: YJ's Disclaimer snkpack: Amen.
I only have one. Even though I may flirt shamelessly with you, I'm not interested in dating anyone from Ojar.
Thank you and goodnight.
Re: YJ's Disclaimer alonewith2: *cuts up the wedding invitations already written out...
And I thought I was the only one. :'(
Re: YJ's Disclaimer Lumpy: [quote author=YellowJacket link=topic=40096.msg441670#msg441670 date=1168978189">
3. I'm really wordy. I write a lot. If you get a long message from me or I reply to your threads all the time, it means I think well of you or what you have to say. It probably also means I'd like to be online friends. It is not, however, because I think you're the most beautiful flower to ever grace the meadow. 8)
[/quote">
And all this time I thought I was special... :'(
Re: YJ's Disclaimer darkrose: Yeah, why is it that when a guy is interested in being a friend, women think it's more than that?? Especially on the internet..
I kind of have this same problem with speaking. I had a (lesbian--which makes it even funnier) friend of mine once point out that she loves the fact that when I talk with her about anything, I engage her. I make eye contact, I watch her facial expressions, I make her feel like I was paying complete attention to her.
..then I said "Wait..what? I wasn't paying attention.." :)
I guess it complicates matters even worse that I am a shameless flirt and will flirt with total strangers if I'm so inclined.
Seriously, though. I'd like to know why a guy can't just have a good conversation with a female without them thinking we're sleazebags and we're hitting on 'em.
I mean, I have some VERY long-time, EXTREMELY close internet friends (10+ years in some cases).. I believe great friendships can happen on the Internet and maybe under the right circumstances it could blossom into something else..but I'm not so sure that in my case it'll ever happen (at this point, I can honestly say if I died without ever knowing the touch of a woman again, I'd still be happy and live a full life)..but I do believe it happens with a lot of other people..
And I'm not going to date anyone on ojar. You guys all have too much baggage. HAHAHAHAHA! (it's a joke)
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