He took my trust, cats, friends, family & life... Suddenly Single: Everyday I get angier and angrier at him. He gets to keep "our" friends, I have no family and his doesn't talk to me anymore, he makes a ton more money than I so his lifestyle hasn't changed and the woman he was sleeping with left her husband and they are together now. He is getting it all - or so it seems to me - and I am left here sitting alone in my closet/office. I feel so left behind by him. I feel more upset about the friends and family that I've lost than him.
I thought it was suppose to get easier. We have only been divorced about 2 months and from the day I kicked him out till the divorce was only about 3 months - everything went by so quick. I felt so good in the beginning - strong, confident in my choices and happy to start a new life. Now I'm becoming pissed off.
I'm also mad because I started dating "mr wonderful"who turned out to be "mr psycho" stalker who has warrants out in 2 states. I feel like it is my ex's fault because if he didnt' do this to me I wouldn't be in this potentially very unsafe situation.
UGH! :'(
Re:He took my trust, cats, friends, family & life... amess: Sounds like ( although I cannot be accurate), you are beginning to go through the grieving stages of the loss. Anger is a biggie. I know it's really hard and feels terrible, but let yourself go with the feelings, and get angry, soon it will start to diminsh, little by little, then at times it will come back. So will other feelings. This is what sucks about the whole thing. Not just how unfair it feels, and how much we lose, but the feelings we have to endure, as well. Stay strong!
Re:He took my trust, cats, friends, family & life... whathef?: I got rid of the anger after being able to forgive.
I wrote about it somewhere.
What I found helped me was getting away from blaming her.
We were both 100% responsible for the R.
It's never 50/50.
Each contributes 100% to it.
If anyone is to blame it's me for choosing to marry her.
But each of us had something to learn from our relationship and we chose eachother to play their part.
Too bad they are still searching for their lesson.
We need to look at this failed marriage as an opportunity to learn about us, and the choices we make.
I'm sure we all saw warning signs. We need to learn what to look for.
Who knows what lessons our x's need to learn?
It's not up to us to teach that lesson. All we can change is what we are responsible for.
Someone just today reminded me of the Serenity Prayer.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Re:He took my trust, cats, friends, family & life... incoherentlonghorn: Hi suddenly single,
I also had to give up our friends but have made several new ones and am slowly, even a year later, starting to rebuild friendships with those I thought I had lost.
Time really does take the divorced edge or uncomfortable elements out of friendships. On the other hand, some friendships weren't meant to be.
I also fell for a guy who was not Mr. wonderful, although I wanted him to be. Be thankful your eyes may be a tad more focused because of that experience. You will overcome!!!
Hang in there,
LL
PS..try funneling that anger into pampering and bettering yourself!
Re:He took my trust, cats, friends, family & life... Suddenly Single: I guess I'm just being inpatient. I really don't like being uncomfortable and I'm so used to having so many friends and people in my life that I'm lonely and want it all fixed NOW. But I'm realizing as I read through people's stories that time is the best thing. I hate to admit that but it is true. I just don't like to be patient! :0) I have begun going back to the club and bike riding which are two things I used to do. I seem to be spending too much time on the computer though but I think the two might balance out.
Its only been a couple months so I should just focus on me. I just love hanging out and going out so much and that is limited for me right now with lots of married w/ kid friends. I don't have any children so I don't even have that in common with them.
I went to a festival this weekend and met my two friends with their husbands and kids and I thought it was going to suck and be weird but it wasn't so bad at all. They made special efforts to include me and not make it a "family" conversation. I hadn't seen them in awhile so we played catch up just asking and answering lots of questions. It ended up being pretty cool.
LL- so what happened to your not so Mr. Wonderful?
Thanks for the posts!
