Emotional disconnection ? Tantan: I was watching Oprah yesterday and the show was about emotional affairs, the psychologist that was on said that most of the time affairs result from emotional disconnection in the marriage. He also said that people who have affairs are not looking for sex or somebody more attractive, they are looking for the way the other person makes them feel.
For those of you who have souses who cheated, did you feel emotionally disconnected with your spouse prior to the affair ?
Re:Emotional disconnection ? LettinGo: Hi Tania,
I did not feel an emotional disconnection at all, HOWEVER, I can relate to the comment: they are looking for the way the other person makes them feel.
My stbx told me that his affairs were all about the attention he got from the women and his current girlfriend (OW). He said that the OW speaks to him differently than I do and she actually told him she will do whatever it is that he wants. (Lol ... whatever)
He also said that I am smart and he feels inferior to me ... so I guess that means he prefers stupid women?
Apparently, my character is just too strong for him. He admits he likes women hanging all over him and listening to whatever he says ... that just isn't me.
I guess maybe somewhere along the road there was an emotional disconnection ... maybe I just never sensed it.
Kelly
Re:Emotional disconnection ? Druid13: I personally did not feel disconected from my spouse but I feel she felt disconected from me. I felt also she owed at least a conversation about these feeling prior to starting an affair. INstead she was becoming more argumenetative with me. When we were younger and had no money or success....these problems were not there for us. We were married young though also. In some ways I feel I could have been better. However I still strongly feel that I did not deserve what she did. Ferom her perspective everything is fine...she has remarried etc etc....as if she did not take my feelings into account at all. When the time came to really sit down and discuss things or attempt to work on things...I felt she bailed. She said 3 years was a long time to try to work on things,....but we didn't. I got worse and she was ( unbeknonst to me) continuing the affair. How is that trying to work on anything? She also threw alot of crap at me...telling me she did everything etc etc...when she offered to help me find a place to live I did not accpet the help...because I felt it would be thrown in my face like everything...and I mean everything she had ever done for me was thrown back in my face later. I feel that is her guilt. At one point she told me it does not matter if it is right or if it is wrong....what? Once you feel this way about things in my opinion your are just acting irrationally....
Re:Emotional disconnection ? Druid13: oh and m=one more thing...she actually told me she felt I was dissappointed in her....? She goes off with smoeone else and somehow I am the one dissappointed in her? Sure.
Re:Emotional disconnection ? Bubba: That was my sbtx. Suddenly she is telling me she is miserable and feels dead inside. I knew that meant trouble . Of course by the time she told me these feelings it was too late. So I would agree with the emotional detachment.
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