Re:Emotional disconnection ? Tantan: A lot of interesting answers.
The point that they were getting at on oprah was that any kind of emotional disconnection with your spouse leads to the possibility and space to plant the seed for an affair.
It bothered me that they had said that for some reason. I think that what they are saying is probably correct but Im sure that most marriages got through periods of dis connection but does that mean its OK to go out and have an affair ? In my opinion those are the times when our true commitment to each is being tested and Im sure if we decided to ride the wave, things would improve in time.
I dont think one person can feel dis connected and the other think everything is OK, deep down we can always feel this sort of thing, even if we dont want to admit it.
My husband and I were definitly going through a period of dis connection when he had his affair, i think he went out looking to connect and share passion with someone. Our lives had settled to routine, three kids and a few jobs between us both. It was a difficult time in our lives and in our marriage and he decided not to ride the wave,,,,,,,,,,
Re:Emotional disconnection ? amess: No, TanTan, it is not ok to go out and have an affair. That is the cowardly desperate way of easing whatever unhappiness there is. Emotional disconnection usually comes from a total breakdown of communication between the partners, and it is not just one person's fault. It would be nice if the partner who is unhappy would communicate this before it is too late, but they don't, for a myriad of reasons. The distancing, though, is a big communication, albeit one of omission, and an affair is loud and clear. That is how they communicate. I just finished "Uncoupling", and I feel I have much more of a handle on what happens.
Re:Emotional disconnection ? Druid13: I read uncoupling as well....good book. Lots of things there I missed. But I agree affairs are not the way to communicate. She went behind my back plain and simple. Then once I had wanted to work it out she continued and I got worse ( beer drinking etc) ... Never did we sit down and discuss...never did we see a councilor...I 've since quit my bad habits. And I will tell you after he actions ( selling the house demanding divorce getting rid of my dog and on and on) it is still hard to completely forgive it all...had we worked on it like I felt we should...maybe a different story .
Re:Emotional disconnection ? devochic: Once a spouse has emotionally disconnected from you, how do you regain the connection?
Re:Emotional disconnection ? amess: The spouse has to want to. You cannot make them. You can try and talk about it, but it takes two to be willing to make a marriage work.
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