Re:STBX came over last night pauly: Good luck Bubba.
I admire you for the way you are handling your situation.
Re:STBX came over last night amess: Bubba, you've taken a brutal beating from this woman, and she has betrayed you time and time again. You deserve someone who will worship the kind of man you are, and the kind of father you are. If you don't lock the door to reconcilliation, at some point, you will never find that someone. Of course it is your call, but think about what you have lost, and what you could have, if you truly could get over her. Not stop caring, but able to be totally in love with someone who makes you happy.
Re:STBX came over last night Bubba: Oh don't mistake the fact that I have not ruled out reconcillation for me not moving on. Far from it. I just never close my mind to any possibilities. As for always loving her, that is how I work. I could get re-married. It could be 20 years from now, but a part of me will always cherish the time I had with my stbx. It does not mean I would ever take her back nor want her back. I will love her always, hell I still think of my high school gf from 14 years ago!! I will not, and am not, letting emtions cloud my judgement nor my actions.
I never said I would take her back, or if I ever could. But I will not close my mind to any possibilites. I will find someone I will fall in love with. I will put all my energy into that relationship. But it does not mean I will ever stop in some small way, loving my stbx. I don't believe that if you love someone, truely love the, that it every really dies. It just changes. Anyone whom says they hate their ex's is telling the truth, but I am willing to wager there is a small part of them that still cares for the Ex's. It does not mean they would ever take them back though. Nor does it mean you cannot love another.
Re:STBX came over last night picadilly: ;D Good for you Bubba.
You're very correct, I'll never stop loving my stbx either. She was my first "great" love, the first woman I asked to marry me. How can you stop loving that person? You can't. But you can stop loving who they are now. In fact, I don't love the woman she is now for the simple fact that I don't know her, she is a stranger to me. I'll never stop loving that girl I knew but for all intents & purposes, she is dead to me. She died with the death of my marriage.
Those that say they hate their stbx/ex's still feel something for them, definately. Hard to "hate" someone unless they have an effect on you. If you really hated them... how could anything they do have any affect but indifference to you unless whatever they do moves you some way.
Re:STBX came over last night Spectrum: [quote author=Shattered link=board=1;threadid=4049;start=0#msg31563 date=1094133400">
.....The question isn't do you still want her back
.......The question is could you ever trust her again?
[/quote">
Exactly! There is a point where it doesn't matter if you still love them and yearn for them.... If being in a relationship with them is agonizing, because you can't believe a word they say, then why would anyone want to live like that?
People who haven't been through this just don't get it sometimes..... Then you remind them WHY you made the choice that you did (see quote above) and they look at you all suprised-like and say, "Oh!" ::)
Spectrum.
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